“I never had my dad or nobody tell me they were proud of me until this program..." —William Jones, recent graduate of NFI's InsideOut Dad, the skill-building program for incarcerated fathers.
At National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), we often speak of our two approaches to engaging society about fatherhood. 1) Top-down: through communications campaigns and social media and 2) Bottom-up: our "boots on the ground" -- our work with community-based organizations and other civic partners to train and equip leaders to better serve the fathers in their communities.
One such example is our work in jails and prisons. The Richmond Times-Dispatch recently featured a program that's impacting the capital city of Virginia. The city jail uses our InsideOut Dad material that helps prisoners to be better dads. Read the following story; it shows what we really do.
“The goal is to get everybody to communicate with their kids, to relearn some parenting skills you never knew you had,” Fries said. At the completion ceremony, the men shared how the program affected them. Below are excerpts from the news article:
- Ronnell Glasgow, 26, said he grew up without his father in his life and was repeating that pattern with his own children, daughters ages 7 and 9.
- Glasgow is behind bars at the Richmond City Jail, but even when he was out he said he thought giving them material things was enough.
- Just weeks into a fatherhood skills training program at the jail, Glasgow said he had reached out to his own emotionally distant father and was communicating more with his daughters, who he said are no longer shy around him.
- “I understand the importance of not having a father,” Glasgow said, adding that with his own father he was “building a relationship as a father and a man.”
- One man described having a 15-minute telephone conversation with his daughter, who he rarely spoke to before.
- Another described overcoming fear of rejection and reaching out to an adult daughter and his surprise at her welcoming response.
- Another talked about writing to his 6-year-old son and getting a reply.
The Richmond Times-Dispatch reported that one recent graduate said after the program, “Being there for my kids is better than any gift,” said William Jones, 22, father of four children. Jones is in jail on a probation violation and plans to enter an addiction-treatment program when he is released.
A new 12-week session of InsideOut Dad at the Richmond City jail starts tomorrow (Tuesday). What's the prison nearest you doing to teach fathers the skills they need to be better dads?
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Image: [Daniel Sangjib Min/TIMES-DISPATCH] Dennis Fries (left) an instructor for the InsideOut Dad program, gets a hug from William Jones, a participant in the class who wants better relationships with his four children.
NFI's Vince DiCaro talks about how you can pick the winner of the 2013 Military Fatherhood Award. Vote for your favorite finalist before Friday, May 17!
Can't view the video? Visit Fox News Live for full video
Vince DiCaro was interviewed yesterday on Fox News Live and discussed our 2013 Military Fatherhood Award Finalists. As Vince points out, we have four amazing finalists:
Chief Petty Officer Patrick Mondragon, U.S. Navy.
- Currently serving at Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, California
- Father of two kids, daughter age 9 and son age 8
His wife became very ill recently. He became a sole parent for their children. He took care of his wife and children all while serving our country. Get parenting tips from CPO Mondragon here.
Staff Sergeant Jorge Roman, U.S. Army.
- Currently serving at Fort Stewart, Georgia
- Father of two daughters, ages 9 and 8, and expecting another
He is a first-generation immigrant. His parents worked hard to see their son build a life here and he is a great example of service. Get parenting tips from SSgt Roman here.
Staff Sergeant Charlie Linville, U.S. Marine Corps.
- Currently serving at Balboa Naval Medical Center Wounded Warrior Battalion in San Diego, CA
- Father of two daughters, ages 5 and 2
He's a wounded warrier. Within 36 hours of having his leg amputated, we was cheering his daughter on at her karate class. Get parenting tips from SSgt Linville here.
Major Kevin Billups, U.S. Air Force.
- Currently serving at Tyndale AFB, FL
- Father of three children
He recorded himself reading to his children so that when he was deployed his children would know how much he loved them. Get parenting tips from Major Billups here.
Pick your favorite finalist and vote before tomorrow at midnight!
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"It's difficult to be what you don't see." —Roland C. Warren, Board Member, National Fatherhood Initiative (on the importance of role models)
Roland Warren was on Oprah’s LifeClass last Sunday to discuss fatherless sons and single moms working to parent their sons. In the video, Roland asks a single mom in the audience, "what kind of father do you want for your son? What kind of father do you want your son to be?"
The show focused on mistakes single moms often make. Single mothers tend to focus on the finances. In the video, Roland explains that finances can't be the primary issue of focus. Watch the video and see Roland share vital advice with a single mom on how she should be raising her fatherless son. He makes it clear that finances aren't as important to your child as you being there physically for your child.
Roland draws a clear distinction in the video between the wallet and the heart. Which one are you chasing after?
Can't view the video? Click here.
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I love the pro-fatherhood imagery in this commercial. Take a look:
Everything is perfect until the tagline. I think it should say the opposite, “It’s good to be a friend. It’s better to be a dad.”
Kids have plenty of friends (usually), but they only have one dad. There is something unique and irreplaceable about being a dad, and while being a friend to your child can certainly be part of that, there is so much more to it than that.
You are their teacher, their guide, their protector, their provider, their nurturer. I don’t think we typically expect all of that from our friends. Furthermore, one could even argue that kids don't need another friend in their dad; they need a parent. I’ve heard more than one story of a dad trying to be his child’s “friend” and finding out the hard way that the child needed a lot more than that, especially in the area of discipline.
Anyway, maybe I am splitting hairs on this one. The “feeling” that the commercial gives me is great. I just wish they had come up with a better tagline. This tagline almost ruins the commercial because it makes fatherhood out to be less than what I think it really is.
What do you think? Is it better to be a “dad” or a “friend” to your child?
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“Part of [the problem is in] our culture. We talk about fathers almost solely as providers. If you look at the way the government treats fathers, we have the child support system for dads who aren't married to mom and the tax code for the rest of us.” —Roland C. Warren, Board Member, National Fatherhood Initiative
That is how Roland explained, on Oprah’s LifeClass this past Sunday, why so many fathers in our nation walk away from their kids. Too many men, for a variety of reasons, including insufficient cultural norms, think that all they can contribute to their children is their wallets. So, when their “economics” aren’t right, they feel they have nothing to offer.
But as Roland says in the below video, “good dads, provide, nurture, and guide.”
Watch the video to see what this dad, Dwayne, said about why he left his family, and Roland’s response.
Can't view the video? Click here.
Tune in this Sunday for another episode of Oprah’s LifeClass, where Roland, Oprah, and Iyanla talk to single moms raising boys alone, and the various issues they face. The show will air Sunday, May 12, at 9 p.m. ET on OWN.
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The end of voting for our 2013 Military Fatherhood Award finalists is fast approaching. If you haven't had a chance to watch the videos of the four finalists and vote for your favorite, check it out on Facebook now!
This week, we're shining the spotlight on CPO Patrick Mondragon with some tips from his experience as a dad that you can apply in your own family.
Chief Petty Officer Patrick Mondragon, U.S. Navy
- Currently serving at Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, California
- Father of two kids, daughter age 9 and son age 8
Read CPO Mondragon's nomination
Tip 1) Spend one-on-one time with each child
In addition to spending time as a family, CPO Mondragon spends one-on-one time with both his son and his daughter. He takes his daughter to an annual Father-Daughter Dance, goes on field trips with the children's classrooms, and does other special things with both kids. Remember that each of your children need different things from you as a dad. Make a commitment to spend regular one-on-one time with each kid.
Tip 2) Make special days memorable for your kids
Before deploying, CPO Mondragon recorded videos his kids could watch on Valentine's Day, Christmas, their first day of school, or when they've had a bad day. He also creates a countdown activity calendar leading up to Christmas. Think about creative traditions you can add to your family's holidays. And don't forget to recognize the other big moments in your child's life, like losing the first tooth, starting school, or making the varsity team.
Tip 3) Make family dinners a priority
CPO Mondragon gets to work an hour early so that he can make sure he's always home for dinner with his family. Not every family is able to have dinner together every night, but as much as you are able, take time to have a meal together. NFI has some great ideas for how to use family meals as a opportunity to connect with your kids.
Tip 4) Read with your children
While he was deployed, CPO Mondragon served as the United Through Reading coordinator to help the sailors record videos for their children of themselves reading books aloud so that the kids could still have their dad read to them even while he was gone. For most civilian dads, bedtime stories don't require a DVD player - just grab a book and sit down together! Check out NFI's suggestions for investing in your children through reading.
Tip 5) Be strong for your family in the challenging times
When his children were very young, CPO Mondragon's wife experienced a life-threating medical situation and was hospitalized for an extended period of time. He had to assume full responsibility for their two toddlers and take care of her - and continue to fulfill his military duties. Your family's challenges will be unique, but your hard work, leadership, and love are key to helping your kids feel secure and grow through the situation.
This past Saturday night, Robert "The Ghost" Guerrero entered the ring with Floyd "Money" Mayweather, Jr who then stood undefeated at 43-0. After the fight, Mayweather stands undefeated at 44-0.
We at NFI followed this fight because everything we knew of Robert Guerrero pointed to him being a great example of an involved, responsible and committed husband and father. Anytime we can highlight great examples from sports and entertainment, we will. We think dads and husbands can learn by seeing real examples within others' life stories.
As someone who hasn't really followed boxing since Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!, I found Guerrero's story to be inspiring. He made me think about what "a true warrior" really looks like today. He reminded me of three things that make a true warrior—lessons I hope to live by as a husband and father. Here they are...
1. A True Warrier Isn't Defined By His Day Job.
No matter the stage of life, your job shouldn't define you. This is especially true if you have a job you love; it's much easier to define yourself by your job if you like it. That's a problem. Watching Guerrero's interviews over the last few weeks reminded me as he said himself, "Boxing is what I do, not who I am." Dads, are you defining yourself with your position at the company? In a day when I've heard marketing heads at brands say repeatedly, "Men don't define themselves by being fathers and husbands", Guerrero seems to live by a different, better standard.
2. A True Warrior Keeps His Family Close.
It's undeniable from seeing Guerrero's story that he was and is a good husband and father. From sacrificing his career in order to take care of his wife to being involved with his children, Guerrero could easily distance himself from family given his talent as a boxer. He could spend a fortune on a different team that isn't family. For instance, his dad is his trainer. I'm fairly certain Guerrero can afford to have other trainers. But he understands that his father is the best for him. Guerrero picked his team with family in mind. Dads, have you picked your job or lifestyle with your family in mind?
3. A True Warrior Hates Losing More than He Loves Winning.
I saw a postfight interview where Guerrero, tired and drained from just finishing 12 rounds with Mayweather says, and I'm paraphrasing, "I'd like to get in the ring with Mayweather again. I hear he has a contract for five more fights!" That's a fighter right there. Guerrero likes to win, but he hates to lose. Dads, do you hate to lose? "Losing" for dads could mean a number of things, but might I suggest, we lose if we aren't being 24/7 dads for our kids. In order to be involved, we must hate not being involved so much that we actually plan and do things to be involved.
I learned these three things and more from covering Guerrero the last few weeks. There's a lot to learn from his life. Which begs the question: what if someone followed you around for weeks? Would they learn anything? Would they learn the importance of being a husband and father? Would they learn the above lessons by watching you? Said differently, would they see you as "a true warrior"?
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Oprah Winfrey remains one of the most influential people in the country. The fact that she is using her influence to highlight the crisis of father absence in America is remarkable.
Back in 2002, when I first started working at National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), we got a call from the producers of The Oprah Winfrey Show, asking us to help them locate fathers who would want to be on their show. We did that, and we also were able to get our then-president, Roland C. Warren, to serve as that episode’s “fatherhood expert.” The show was called “The Secret Thoughts of Fathers” and it was one of Oprah’s most powerful shows.
And it really started something. Roland went on to do three more shows within the next year and a half, helping Oprah deal with a variety of issues around fatherhood, parenting, and marriage.
Fast forward to 2013, and here we are again, and it is clear that Oprah’s commitment to strengthening fatherhood has not faltered. As Oprah’s LifeClass headed into production of a new series of “fatherhood shows,” they wanted Roland back to fulfill his role as the fatherhood expert who could help Oprah’s guests navigate their issues.
The first of the three shows that were created airs this Sunday at 9 pm eastern on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). It is called “Fatherless Sons, Part 1,” and it is powerful. Take a look at a sneak peak video.
What if America's sons didn't have to grow up without their fathers? What difference could it make? It's a problem that's been going on for too long and at too great a cost. And it's time to talk about it. Tune in Sunday, May 5, at 9/8c for a special two-hour Oprah's Lifeclass with Iyanla Vanzant.
The audience will be filled with men who grew up without fathers. Men who still feel the pain from having been abandoned or ignored by their dads. Men whose relationships are still suffering because of the damage done by neglectful fathers. Men who have not gotten closure.
This show serves as a step towards getting closure. With help from Iyanla Vanzant, Oprah, and Roland, the dads begin the healing process. The even better part about it is that viewers at home will be able to tap into the wisdom, advice, and shared experiences that are highlighted on the show, so that they can begin healing, too. This show has the potential to help millions of men come to terms with how father absence has affected them, which will only serve to help their own children have better fathers in the long run.
As always, NFI has a portfolio of resources at the ready to support the dads who watch the show and are looking for the tools they need to implement change. Visit our “Fatherless Sons” page for more. And re-visit this blog next week to get our full commentary on Sunday’s show.
Tune in Sunday, May 5, at 9 pm eastern on OWN to watch “Fatherless Sons, Part 1” with NFI board member, Roland C. Warren, and join us on Twitter (@thefatherfactor) for the live chat using #FatherlessSons and #Lifeclass.
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Robert "The Ghost" Guerrero fights Floyd "Money" Mayweather, Jr on Saturday, May 4 at 9pm ET. Mayweather is undefeated at 43-0.
You may be wondering why NFI is talking so much about this fight. The reason we're so interested in this fight is because everything we know of Robert Guerrero points to him being a great example of an involved, responsible and committed husband and father. We dads and husbands can learn a lot by watching and listening to him, so we are encouraging everyone to watch the fight if they can. Here's why...
Guerrero as Husband
Guerrero vacated his title and turned down three major championship fights to be his wife's caretaker as she battled cander. The video below tells the story of his wife getting diagnosed and having to get a bone marrow transplant. Guerrero was recently asked about this process and he replied, "Boxing is what I do, not who I am." I love that. He gets it.
Can't view the video? Click here to watch Robert Guerrero on taking care of his wife.
Guerrero as Father
Guerrero understands the importance of being a dad. I've watched several videos and interviews from Guerrero. I recently heard him say, "My goal is to be an example to the youth." He says after his matches are over, he plans to work with children to pass on the lessons his father taught (is teaching) him. You see, Guerrero's father is his trainer.
Can't view the video? Click here to see Robert Guerrero discuss his father as trainer.
Guerrero as Fighter
Guerrero recently said, "Styles makes fights. I have the style to beat Mayweather." His nickname is "The Ghost" because, as he puts it, "You can't hit what you can't see." From being a husband through trials to being an involved father and family man, we see that Guerrero is a fighter both inside the ring and outside of it. Guerrero says he has the style to beat Mayweather:
- height
- left handed
- fast hands
- good footwork
- can fight inside and outside
- has power in both hands
Guerrero talked about having a legacy in one interview. He remarked, "You want to fight the best fighters out there..." Come Saturday night, Guerrero gets his chance. See Guerrero and Mayweather's first encounter here...
Can't view the video? Click here to see Mayweather/Guerrero first encounter.
You don't need to care about boxing to learn lessons from Guerrero's life. He has been tested and found capable. Being a man means being a fighter. A man must fight to cherish his wife. He must fight to balance work and be attentive to his children's needs. Are you a fighter for your family? It seems to me, the world may need more Robert Guerrero's. Get more details on Robert "The Ghost" Guerrero. Tune in for the fight: Saturday, May 4 at 9pm ET.
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National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) is excited to partner and promote the upcoming boxing match, Mayweather vs Guerrero, on Saturday May 4 at 9pm ET.
Robert “The Ghost” Guerrero takes on Floyd “Money” Mayweather JR for the WBC Welterweight Championship Saturday, May 4 9pm ET/ 6pm PT.
You can watch the fight for free from your sofa! Order pizza and invite some friends over for a watch party. You'll have no traffic, no parking, no lines, no crowds, fight is broadcast live from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on Showtime PPV directly to your tv!
What You Can Win:
- 5 T-shirts
- 5 Posters
- $200 Visa Gift Card (Winner can order the Pay-Per-View fight and buy food/drink for Watch Party)
Here's How You Win:
- LIKE National Fatherhood Initiative on Facebook.
- Follow @TheFatherFactor on Twitter.
- Tweet this message on Twitter: I'm watching the #MayDay fight Saturday 5/4 at 9pmET with @TheFatherFactor. Who's with me? http://bit.ly/nfimayday1 #DadsClub
- Do all three (3) things by tomorrow (Thursday May 2nd) at 10am ET for your chance to win the prize pack. One winner to be chosen. We have to pick quick—so we have time to mail prize pack to the winner's house before the fight!
Visit our MayDay page for more details on the fight!
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