This is a guest post by Jordan Richmond. If you want to guest post on this blog, email us here.
- “A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” –Woody Allen
On most mornings my wife gets up with the boys (we have 3 under age four) while I get ready for work. We have coffee together - well actually - in the same vicinity would be a better way to describe it. The boys are usually making a mess, crying, or fighting. We take turns refereeing. It’s chaotic, stressful, and a ton of fun. We’re like many families.
But on a particular morning not long ago, Heather and I had a little extra time to reconnect. I could tell something was bothering her, so I tried asking some probing questions. Her responses surprised me. There were no major marital issues, but she was empty and overwhelmed. I appeared distant. We love each other, but it’s not always felt.
Here are a few takeaways from that morning.
1) Don’t assume everything is alright.
Marriages cannot be lived in the neutral zone. You are either growing together or apart. If you’re not sure, and if you haven’t asked the hard questions in a while, I can confidently say you’re drifting apart. Address the issues now.
2) Give physical touch with no strings attached.
You know what I mean guys. Here’s the catch - even if you are just being sweet, she may not know it. If other areas of your marriage are suffering, your well-intentioned physical touch may be perceived as having a hidden motive. Don’t let resentment creep into your marriage.
3) Have regular date nights.
I’m a recovering failure in this department. Have a date - just because. Don’t make it an add-on to something else. Get a sitter, don’t talk about the kids, and court your wife again. No one will do it for you and it’s your fault if it doesn’t happen. Do it this week.
What advice would you give to dads trying to protect their marriage?
Visit Gold Medal Dads…Communicate with Mom for tips on how you can connect with your wife and/or the mother of your children. Remember to share and connect with other dads during week two of The Dad Games on this blog, Facebook and Twitter (#DadGames12).
This is a guest post by Jordan Richmond. Jordan is the worship pastor of Cayman Islands Baptist Church in beautiful Grand Cayman. Jordan is also a recording artist and family man. He and his wife Heather have been married 6 years and have 3 sons: Kal, Rees, and Zann. If you want to guest post on this blog, email us here. [Photo credit: Poppy Wright]
Week 1 is in the books and week 2 is here. We had a blast last Thursday as many dads joined our Twitter party with questions, answers, tips and advice. Join National Fatherhood Initiative (@TheFatherFactor) as we host a Twitter Party for week 2 with great prizes to get dads ready for Communicating with Mom this week!
Get full details about The Dad Games 2012.
Join us tonight at 9PM EST as we share advice and tips for this week's topic of how to connect with your wife and the mother of your children.
Last week's party was a great time to conenct with other dads and be motivated to work through the action steps of the checklist. Remember, we're becoming Gold Medal Dads to our help impact our kids, our wives/kids’ moms and our family.
This week’s topic is Gold Medal Dads…Communicate With Mom.
Make sure you have our checklist with seven ideas of how you can work at your relationship.
Get this week’s Gold Medal Dad checklist.
During tonight’s Twitter party, we’ll walk through some of the challenges for the week and share stories and ideas of how to win Gold by connecting with your spouse or the mother to your kids.
Bring your advice, tips and questions!
Be sure you’re following @TheFatherFactor and using the hashtag #DadGames12 for all your tweets.
Two prize winners will be selected from among Twitter party participants and notified at close of party. Be active at the party to increase your chances of winning!
What can you win? See the Dad Games prizes.
#DadGames12 Prize from Dove® Men+Care®:
Dove® Men+Care® celebrates men who are comfortable in their own skin and understand the importance of caring for themselves and others. One Twitter party participant will win an autographed sports item from a legend and the new collection of Dove® Men+Care® products to keep you literally comfortable in your own skin.
#DadGames12 Prize from Gillette:
Gillette has a series of limited edition Olympic-packaged products in suppport of their ongoing partnership with the Olympic Movement and their 25 Olympic athletes including Ryan Lochte and Tyson Gay. One Twitter party participant will win a gift package of Gillette’s Olympic-themed products - plus a fatherhood book from NFI.
Host: @TheFatherFactor
When: Thursday, July 26 at 9PM EST
Hashtag: #DadGames12
To get next weeks Dad Games checklist directly to your email inbox, sign up for our Dad Email. Go Dads!
With one week of The Dad Games of 2012 under our belts, we're ready for week 2!
In case you missed the first week, the Dad Games challenges you to be a Gold Medal Dad in five areas of fathering. Each week we're giving Dad's a checklist of seven actions to take in order to connect with the family.
To honor your efforts, we're giving away prizes from our corporate partners, including sports memorabilia signed by celebrity athletes and free gift packs of men's skin care products. Learn more about the prizes here.
You can enter to win by telling us about your experiences in The Dad Games on Facebook, Twitter, and commenting on our blog (Get more info on how to enter here!).
This week, The Dad Games challenges you to be a Gold Medal Dad by Communicating with Mom. We're challenging you with seven actions you can take to connect with your wife/kids' mom.
Whether you are married or not, it's important to invest in communicating with the mother of your children. When it comes to parenting, it's important your kids see you have a healthy relationship with their mom.
As we go through this week's challenge, we'll talk about marriage and divorce. We have a guest blog planned from a happily married Dad who will discuss relationship struggles with his wife and adjusting to children. We also have a guest blog planned from a single dad. He will give tips and advice on how to handle parenting when couples are separated by divorce.
For some, this may be your week to change how you relate to your ex-wife. As you read through the steps as a married person or not, us Dads will have to be creative in how to apply each of these steps. It will be work.
Use our Facebook and Twitter platforms to connect with other Dads and talk through the action steps. This is a week to get better. For some, this may be a week to start over from scratch in how you have been dealing with your child's mom. Either way, get creative and be intentional in how you connect with your wife and/or the mother of your children.
We'll help with ideas later in the week for each action step, so stay tuned. This will be a tough but rewarding week for married and divorced dads alike.
Are you ready for this week's challenge?
Visit our Communicating with Mom page for more information and to get this week's checklist.
We had a blast sharing stories and being challenged to spend time with our kids this week. We hope you connected with your children throughout our challenge.
Through our blog, Facebook page and Twitter stream, we not only connected with our children, we connected with other dads.
Dads, we can be intentional and spend quality and quantity time with our children. We can make an impact on our kids' lives.
It’s been a busy week. Check out hightlights of what dads who are competing in The Dad Games are saying! Below is a snapshot of the first week. Remember, you can join at any time!
What Dads Are Saying on the Blog
Spent the day with my daughter today. Went to lunch, spent time reading at the local bookstore and pre-shopping at the mall for back to school. --Sean Nixon
Camping is a great way to spend time with your children. There are a variety of cool aspects to camping, allowing you to explore with you kids and do things together. You can really connect with your child during this time of relaxation and enjoyment. I know from first hand experience. I've been camping with my own kids for several consecutive years now. It's a blast! --Dan Rayner
I recently purchased kayaks for myself, my wife and my nine-year-old daughter. For quality time with my daughter, I took her to the nearby lake and we spent the afternoon kayaking and talking. She loved the exercise and I loved the small talk with my little girl. --Chuck Wooddy
Love the idea of the 2012 Dad Games! Had a ball yesterday riding the go-kart, bike riding, reading, etc. Summer has been great overall, but it's nice to have the "challenge" placed in front of me as well as other Dad's. --Tim Myers
Dad Games 2012. Great idea to inspire us guys to be better fathers. My little girl is 1. I read a couple of books to her today. The most important time to me is when we both can take a nap together during the day. Lets do work DADS!! --Robert Witcher
My son and I have colored, played Batman, fixed the kitchen tile in my grandfather's house, read a few books, and the week ain't over yet. :) Thanks for the fishing tips. My son is afraid of pretty much every animal so fishing is a no-go for a while anyway. –Maury Wood
What Dads Are Saying on Facebook
I am a single dad. My daughter is 12 years old for the last 4 years she has been doing fundraising to help kids go to church camp. This past sat. 7/14 she did a car wash we washed cars for 4hrs in june she did a garage sale and bake sale this is how we spend a lot of our time and the hard work of helping others it is fun to help my daughter do what makes her fill good. --Doug Tripp
I've taken four of my children to work with me on my side job this week so I can spend some time with them and so they can see what a hard days work is. --Billy D Vickers
Me, my son, and my daughter a ping pong table on Friday. Saturday we went to the circus in the morning and then went straight to Splashtown waterpark right after. We had such a wonderful time! --Matt Taylor
My daughter Savannah and I spent all weekend at a Girls Scout camp for Girl Scouts and their family members. We rode horses, hiked, did crafts, archery, low ropes, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was one of the best times ever!!!!! --Mike Parish
Yes, from bringing them to work to having "special lunches" while @ work to fun dinners, late night dips in the pool . Movies ordering pizza late at night to all falling asleep together on the same couch.. Loved every second of it! --Will Hamilton
Not this week but last week was great, went home on a pass before I deploy to spend 4 days with my little girl. I took her and my niece swimming 2 days, ate together everyday, took some naps and held her close, seen the new Ice Age movie and spent every moment I was there with her. I can't wait to get back to her! --Lee Whited
What Dads Are Saying on Twitter
Told wife my main goal is to make her happy. She said 1 of the best things I've ever said. Show kids u love mom. #DadGames12 @maurydwood2
I took my daughter to a movie and then bowling.....but we play xbox daily #DadGames12 @chefydaddy
Saturday mornings we go get bagels and give Mom the morning off! #DadGames12 @bfalvey
I was missing too much so left high-paying job so could work part-time & spend more time raising my kids #dadgames12 @GeekDad248
Making up dance moves to songs like Call Me Maybe in our chairs once dinner is done. #DadGames12 @cdel58
Meal time is our listening and giggling time. 3.5yr old tells antics of day. Sometimes tattles on herself #Dadgames12 @jon_wilke
My son and I read a National Geographic Kids magazine last night and a dinosaur alphabet book #DadGames12 @candyland0606
Singing The Duck Song with my kids. Grand time quacking together before bed time #DadGames12 @JasonBruce
Getting spanked by my kids in UNO. #DadGames12 @ctramosono
Great job, Dads! Keep up the good work!
Week 1 may be over, but you can still join us for Week 2! Stay tuned for more information as we challenge you to be a Gold Medal Dad by Communicating with Mom!
Don’t forget to sign up for our Dad Email to get this week’s checklist. Then share how you’re competing with other dads during the week.
I cheapened fishing for my daughters. New Dads, learn from my mistake. Don't use artificial bait on your first fishing trip with your kids. I don't know what I was thinking. In my attempt to curb drama and avoid the Sanders Beauties seeing a nightcrawler and jumping headfirst into the lake, my girls’ interest in fishing may be forever scarred.
From now on, when I take the girls fishing, they will get the full fishing experience. They will use real worms. This way, even if no fish are caught, they will still remember something interesting about the experience.
This was the first fishing trip with my two young daughters. We picked our spot on the dock and started readying ourselves to fish. Then came the ducks. Except to call these ducks “ducks” isn’t descriptive enough. Let’s call them “starving ducks.” So the starving ducks, no sooner than we sat down with our fishing gear, headed our way from the center of the lake.
Not only were these ducks starving. They were large. When I say “large” I mean the size of my second-born. These large, starving ducks decided we weren’t feeding them at the correct pace and jumped on the dock to eat our breadcrumbs faster, or eat my youngest daughter. Either way, after all the duck commotion, my five-year-old had readied herself to make her first cast.
To be sure Bella knew how to cast, I did a practice cast to show her how a professional does it. On that cast, something broke inside the fishing pole and the hook landed on the side of the dock. Five minutes in and we have starving, large ducks on the attack and a broken fishing pole…nice.
After spending a good 10 minutes (reminder: 10 minutes is 100 minutes in toddler time) dissembling and dissecting the Shakespeare Barbie Fishing Pole, we have working fishing poles and the ducks are starting to scatter. I didn’t get video, but Bella’s first cast was video worthy. Her cast was absolutely breath-taking; just like she had practiced in our house (yeah, that’s a separate blog post).
No sooner than the floater-thingy landed on the water, the starving, large ducks decided to try and eat my second-born. Now, no ducks were harmed on this fishing trip, but I may have cast in their direction a few times, to keep them safe. My youngest called it “hitting the ducks on the head” but I promise the number of duck heads hit on my watch was zero.
Maybe 10 minutes goes by, we get zero bites. The ducks were starving but the fish weren't. The duck-drama has mellowed out and boredom begins to seep in.
Dads of older kids, perhaps you’ve forgotten, but a five-year-old and a two-year-old at a lake with fishing poles doesn’t mathematically work unless something interesting is happening. If nothing interesting -- like catching fish -- is happening, the kids get bored really quickly and start thinking of things to toss in the body of water appearing in front of them.
In an effort to keep the intensity and interest up about actually fishing in the lake instead of wanting to swim or toss objects in the lake, we decide to locate a second port of call on the lake. We find this great wooden dock. It’s perfect. Gabby learns to cast like her sister. Well, sort of; she caught the wooden dock and nearly submerged her fishing pole. She's the only one who can say she caught something on this trip.
The story doens't end there. On the return walk home, I’m carrying fishing poles and my wife wants to exchange fishing poles so I can carry our youngest. In our exchange, my wife gets pierced in the hand with both hooks from the fishing poles. Thus making our perfect fishing trip even better.
Once home and settled, the conversation with my five-year-old went like this:
Me: “Bella, did you have fun fishing?!”
Bella: “It wasn’t so great. It was boring.”
Me: “Did you like anything about fishing?!”
Bella: “No.”
That was the entire conversation. Maybe the evening would have been better spent watching Ice Age for the fifty-eleventh time. Bella was “bored” and we didn’t catch anything but bug bites, a wooden deck and mommy’s hand. But as the wise man Trace Adkins sings about spending time fishing with his young daughter, “...she thinks we're just fishing.”
I’m glad my wife and I managed to keep a five- and two-year-old dry and alive on our first fishing trip. Aside from Bella having a “not so great” time (as evidenced by the smiling picture above) and my lovely wife suffering minor injuries. We spent time connecting and creating a memory that will last for years. I agree with Mr. Adkins on fishing, “I better do this every chance I get...'cause time is ticking.”
But next time I'll remember -- take the nightcrawlers, leave the fake bait.
What did you do this week to connect with your kids?
This fishing trip was part of week one’s challenge to Gold Medal Dads to "Spend Time With Their Kids" from The Dad Games 2012.
Spending time with your kids can be difficult. I’m talking the real, intentional time. I don’t mean the time like when you’re in the same room with your kids but you’re on your phone streaming twitter while your daughter plays in the background because you have a job in social media and must retweet that quote from that guy who said that thing about fathering…wait…I flashed-back to last night at my house. Sorry.
Enter The Dad Games of 2012 – the challenge to all of us dads to work toward being the "Gold Medal Dads" our kids need. This week's challenge is to actually spend time and undivided attention with our kids…well, please snap a pic and tag NFI on Facebook/Twitter for The Dad Games program, but after that…actually spend time and undivided attention with your children.
Yes, we're giving dads chances to win autographed sports memorabilia & summer gift sets from Dove® Men+Care® by telling us about your experience participating in The Dad Games with your children. But the important thing is that you’re spending time with your kids.
We know your time is divided among many things, but investing in your children with your time is invaluable for connecting and influencing your children.
If you didn’t print this week’s Dad Games checklist do it now, we'll wait....okay, you're back. Now, Here’s the point behind our seven ideas for this week:
1) Gather the Family for a Meal
Enjoying a family meal together is one of the best ways to connect as a family. It’s an opportunity to discuss the highs and lows of the day and talk in detail about what you’re children are learning each day. Check out our tips to help you make family mealtime easy and meaningful!
2) Read to Your Child
If you have young children, read to them. Use deep voices for some character and high voices for others. Be animated. Your kids need to hear their dad’s voice.
Reading allows for bonding with your children like nothing else.
Think about how close you have to be to read to someone. You wouldn’t sit and read to a stranger on a bus. That would be weird. Reading is a great way to connect with your kids, if only for a few minutes. Be warned, you won’t be able to read only one book. Your kids will beg for more!
Dads of older kids: read the same books your children are interested in. This will take extra effort, but at least take time to discuss the latest book they’re reading. Ask good questions about the books and characters like, "Which character in the book is your favorite? Why?" The point is to connect with your child on a deeper level than asking “how was your day?” Then they answer, “Good.” And then the talk ends.
NFI’s tips on making reading fun will work well if you feel like you don’t know how to get started with this activity.
3) Interact in Play With Your Child
Do something with your child that he/she enjoys. Let them pick the thing. Whether it’s getting on the floor and playing with dolls or trucks, get on your child’s level and play.
For older children: do something they like, such as playing video games or walking around the mall – be invested and interested in your child intentionally for this activity.
4) Dad-Kid Dates
Whether you have a son or daughter, take time to go out for ice cream, eat together or take a walk. The point is to spend individual time with your child. If you have more than one child, work toward children getting their own individual time with you. (If you can pull this activity off with multiple children, please write us in the comments and give your advice on making this happen!)
5) Get Active
Engage your children in physical activity. It will bond you together and help build healthy habits. From riding a bike, basketball, or walking in a nearby park, you can be intentional about getting out from the normal routine and get active this week.
6) Get Creative
This may be as simple as coloring together if you have young children or involving your child in fixing something around the house. Consider cooking together for this activity. From the trip to the store to preparation, use the time to connect with your child and talk about life while you do something that you have to do anyway – eat!
7) Family Game Night
Did you have family game night growing up? Whether your family played board games or not when you were a kid, the idea here is to have fun and get the family together and playing. We have suggestions for games to suit all ages and ideas to make game time fun for kids.
At NFI, we know that children whose fathers are stable and involved are better off on almost every cognitive, social and emotional level when measured by social science researchers. Keep up the good work, dads! Stay strong through the weekend! Go for gold!
Don’t forget to connect with us by commenting on this post, tagging us on Facebook and mentioning us on Twitter. Tell us what you're doing on this checklist and enter to win a prize!
photo credit: kevin dooley
In the spirit of the 2012 London Olympic Games, join National Fatherhood Initiative (@TheFatherFactor) as we host a Twitter Party with awesome prizes to get dads geared up for The Dad Games of 2012!
Get full details about The Dad Games 2012.
Join us tonight at 9PM EST and each Thursday night through 8/16. We’ll share advice and tips for each week’s Dad Games topic. We’ll motivate Team Dad to stay strong in the Dad Games as we strive to be Gold Medal Dads to our kids, our kids’ moms and our family.
This week’s topic is Gold Medal Dads…Spend Time With Their Kids.
Make sure you have our checklist with seven ideas of how you can spend time with your kids.
Get this week’s Gold Medal Dad checklist.
During tonight’s Twitter party, we’ll share stories and ideas of how to win Gold by spending time with our kids.
Bring your ideas and your questions!
Be sure you’re following @TheFatherFactor and using the hashtag #DadGames12 for all your tweets.
Prize winner will be chosen from among Twitter party participants and notified at close of party.
What can you win? See the Dad Games prizes.
#DadGames12 Prize from Dove® Men+Care®:
Dove® Men+Care® celebrates men who are comfortable in their own skin and understand the importance of caring for themselves and others. One Twitter party participant will win an autographed item from a sports legend and the new collection of Dove® Men+Care® products to keep you literally comfortable in your own skin.
#DadGames12 Prize from Gillette:
Gillette has a series of limited edition Olympic-packaged products in suppport of their ongoing partnership with the Olympic Movement and their 25 Olympic athletes including Ryan Lochte and Tyson Gay. One Twitter party participant will win a gift package of Gillette’s Olympic-themed products - plus a fatherhood book from NFI.
Host: @TheFatherFactor
When: Thursday, July 19th at 9PM EST
Hashtag: #DadGames12
To get next weeks Dad Games checklist directly to your email inbox, sign up for our Dad Email.
As the nation gears up to cheer for Team USA in the 2012 London Olympics, we're gearing up to cheer for Team Dad in The Dad Games of 2012!
For five weeks we're challenging you to be a Gold Medal Dad by giving you specific actions to build your connection with your children, the mom of your children and your family.
It's important to invest in your relationship with your kids no matter what, but we're excited to make it extra fun this month with great prizes and giveaways - including autographed memorabilia from celebrity athletes and free skin care products for men!
How can you win?!
Every Wednesday for five weeks, the Dad Email™ will focus on a particular topic of what makes a Gold Medal Dad.
We'll provide a checklist of specific actions you can take during the week to build your connection with your children in five areas of Gold Medal fathering:
- Gold Medal Dads...Spend Time with Their Kids
- Gold Medal Dads...Communicate with Mom
- Gold Medal Dads...Affirm Their Kids
- Gold Medal Dads...Balance Work and Family
- Gold Medal Dads...Always Try to Improve
Then, to win one of the awesome Dad Games prizes...
- Connect with us during each week on the Blog, Facebook, and Twitter. Each comment, tag or mention (for that week) will make you eligible for a prize!
Sign up for the Dad Email™ to stay up-to-date with The Dad Games of 2012!
Invite other dads to join in The Dad Games by signing up to create some friendly competition with your dad friends.
Check The Father Factor Blog
I will talk about my participation in The Dad Games along with you. Make sure you're subscribed to the blog and comment with your stories and tips each week to be entered to win!
Follow Us on Twitter
Use #DadGames12 and join us for Twitter parties every Thursday at 9pm EST as TEAM DAD tweets about the weekly topic. One prize will be given at every Twitter party!
Tag Us on Facebook
Post on our timeline, share a picture of you doing something with your child from the Dad Games Checklist, or comment on our Dad Games posts to be entered to win a prize.
Are you ready for The Dad Games of 2012?
Join TEAM DAD and Be a Gold Medal Dad Today!
Visit our home for The Dad Games 2012 for more information.