The following is a post from Tony Prebula, Administrative Coordinator, Marketing and Communications at National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). If you would like to blog for us, email here.
Back when I joined NFI, I blogged about the lessons passed down from my grandfather. And I enjoyed being able to share the hope and excitement my wife and I had for having a family of our own one day.
It has been 7 months since then, and over a year since we started trying to have children. We’ve experienced loss, pain, disappointment, and at times despair. On more than one occasion over the last year, my wife and I have lost a child.
For the longest time I’ve imagined what it would feel like to hold my child with the hopes of the kind of person they would grow up to be. I imagine teaching them to ride a bike. Maybe even what the first fishing trip would be like. I imagine teaching my son how to honor his mother and all women. Or showing my daughter how she should be loved and respected in how I love my wife. I imagine being able to tell my children how proud I am for the kind of people they are. I don’t stop imagining these things. I remain hopeful, but it can get tough.
You see, as I get ready to head home tonight after work, I have already planned to spend the evening doing one of my favorite things—brewing beer. It’s a hobby I picked up when I lived in a townhouse with no cable or internet. I’ll have fun tonight. But all the while I will be thinking to myself, “What if”. I will be wondering what if my child were here. Instead of spending the night in the kitchen brewing, I could be putting together a crib. Instead of a quiet night waiting for my wife to get home from working late, maybe I would be giving my baby a bath. The hardest part is not their absence; rather it is in thinking of all the moments we will never have with them. To quote John Greenleaf Whitter, “For all the sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘What might have been’”.
In trying to sort through the emotions of the past few months, I’ve tried to put into words (probably for some healing or comfort) why it has been so difficult to find peace with it all. Strangely enough, I haven’t found any new insight to make it easier. I haven’t found enlightened peace. No, nothing like that. But what I am reminded of is the precious joy that family and children are.
My wife and I have been able to remember that no matter how hard we may try, we can’t just make children happen. Children are not given simply because you want to have them. No, children are gifts to be cherished.
I am so happy to work for an organization that recognizes children are indeed a gift to be cherished. And that part of this cherishing is to ensure that they have involved, responsible, and committed fathers.
In grieving, somewhat selfishly, for our loss, we are consoled knowing that our children are in a better place than we could have ever hoped to give them. And as my wife and I continue to wait and see what lies ahead for us, I know the gift will be that much sweeter. I can’t imagine how blessed I will feel when the day finally arrives. And I only hope that when it does that my children will know how much of a gift they are to me.
Tony is a graduate of the University of Maryland. He and his wife, Lacy, met at Maryland and were married in 2011. In his spare time, you will find Tony rock climbing, cooking and homebrewing. Connect with The Father Factor by RSS, Facebook and on Twitter @TheFatherFactor
For all the talk we hear these days about how “families can take many forms,” it seems there is one particular form that, if there was a popularity contest for family types, would be losing. It’s the one where dad is involved.
Every time I think NFI is in danger of exaggerating our claims around the prevalence of father absence and the lack of respect for the institution of fatherhood, a good reminder of our pinpoint accuracy smacks me right in the face.
The latest smack came in the form of a series of pictures in a book for toddlers. The book, First 100 Words, was sitting innocently on a shelf in my house. I mindlessly opened it and started flipping through, and came across the following picture.
In case you can’t make out what is going on there, it shows a picture of a family that includes “mommy,” “brother,” and “baby.” Where’s “daddy”? Well, he has his own separate, much smaller picture to the right of the larger “family” picture. (it is probably also worth noting that grandma gets the second largest picture)
Talk about a stark, visual representation of our culture’s general disregard for the centrality of responsible fatherhood. It is as if the editors did not want dad interfering with the pristine image of a mom-child family.
Moreover, this is a book designed to give toddlers their first lessons about the world around them. May as well get to them early with the notion that when we talk about family, we are really talking about a mom and her kids.
One might defend the use of an image of a mother-only family with the premise that we should be cautious about offending such families, or making them feel “left out.” But why is no one ever concerned with offending two-parent families? After all, 2 in 3 children still live in mother-and-father-present homes, and reams of social science research shows it is best, on average, for kids to live in such homes. So, shouldn’t we be “protecting” this family type?
These sorts of images reinforce the false belief that fathers are not as important as mothers. For a boy in a father-absent home, it reinforces the idea that he does not have to worry about being a central part of the family he will one day have. Mom’s got it covered! This attitude “empowers” neither men nor women.
For a child growing up with a father in the home, like my son, I am sure this image will be confusing. My 2.5-year-old son is too young to express himself about something as complicated as this, but this book -- along with a lot of other messages he will get from TV commercials, etc -- shows him that fathers are on the periphery of family. When he asks the question, “How now shall I live?” the answer provided by our culture will be vague at best. If it suits you to stick around for your family, that’s fine; but if not, don’t let the door hit you in the rear on the way out.
Now, you may say that it is just one book, and maybe it’s not indicative of what the general belief about fatherhood is in our country. But that is a cop out. If “just one book” published an image of a blonde girl struggling with a math problem, a ruckus would be raised. Or if “just one book” published an image of a minority being belittled by a white person, a ruckus would be raised. Because we know that images and messages matter; they communicate our culture’s values. When such messages are allowed to see the light of day, it is an indication that there is little fear of reprisal for publishing them.
Dads are not a feared demographic; very few people are worried about ticking us off. NFI will do its part to expose negative representations of fatherhood and award positive ones, but until market forces start to move, little will change. We saw a hint of how powerful those forces can be when Huggies made a mistake with dads.
Here’s to hoping that the mistakes are always pointed out and the offenders learn a lesson.
The following is a post from Christopher A. Brown, Executive Vice President of National Fatherhood Initiative. This post is his response to feedback from his original post The Moral Rationalization of Non-Married Fatherhood.
My most recent blog post titled “The Moral Rationalization of Non-Married Fatherhood” generated a lot of feedback, some positive and some negative. I argued that as a society we have rationalized non-married fatherhood to the point that it is no longer a moral transgression. It has become excusable and, thus, we no longer need to worry about children growing up without their fathers despite reams of data that show when children grow up in single-parent homes—the vast majority of which don’t include fathers—it is detrimental to children and our society.
Several of the responses we received indicated that some non-married fathers—primarily divorced fathers—took the post personally because they thought National Fatherhood Initiative doesn’t appreciate the yeoman’s work they do to be involved in the lives of their children. Nothing could be farther from the truth. NFI recognizes the contributions of and efforts that all fathers make to be involved in whatever circumstances they father.
Consequently, we offer support, guidance, and resources to fathers and the organizations that serve them without discriminating based on marital status. As I remarked in the post, my argument isn’t that a specific non-married dad can’t be a good father to his children. But when viewed through the lens of our culture and population at large, the conclusion that we have rationalized away the morality of non-married fatherhood is undeniable. It has moved us away from our society's need to address father absence in a preventive manner.
To better understand NFI’s position, it’s critical to separate personal experience and the emotion attached to it from the cultural experience and evidence attached to it. Non-married fatherhood results from one of two situations—an out-of-wedlock birth (e.g. a never-married father) or a divorce. From a personal perspective, I’ll wager that if you’re a never-married father you didn’t intend to become one. Likewise if you’re a divorced father you probably didn’t marry with the intent to divorce your wife and face the challenges that brings to raising children. But if you’re an involved, never-married or divorced dad, I’ll also wager that, against all odds, you have moved heaven and earth to remain involved in your children’s lives. Remaining involved requires a lot of hard work and emotion especially when considering the evidence that non-married fathers, on average, are less likely to be involved in their children’s lives as their children age. Therefore, the negative responses we received are understandable because they come from fathers who are not the norm. These fathers are involved in their children’s lives despite the challenges they face. All of us at NFI applaud their (your) efforts.
From a cultural perspective, however, it is undeniable that our society has become more accepting of non-married fatherhood. As an applied anthropologist, I have studied cultures across the globe and, in particular (surprise, surprise), the institutions of fatherhood and marriage and their symbiotic relationship. As noted in my post, marriage arose as an institution (across the globe) for raising children and serves as the primary mechanism societies use to connect fathers to their children. The evidence that fathers are the parent disproportionately separated from their children when they are not married (and not just in the U.S.) underscores the importance of marriage as the institution that undergirds father involvement. And, yet, I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve encountered in my personal and professional life who are perfectly fine with non-married fatherhood (and motherhood) becoming an acceptable circumstance in which to parent (i.e. a norm). They don’t even give it a second thought. The evidence, however, for the symbiotic relationship between these two institutions is overwhelming. Being married to the mother of your children is the single greatest predictor of father involvement. Quite simply it is much harder to be involved in your children’s lives when you don’t live with them. From a preventive standpoint, one of the best strategies we can implement at the cultural level to ensure that children grow up with an involved father is to see that more fathers are married before they have children.
If you’re a non-married father and you’re still struggling to come to grips with NFI’s position on the relationship between marriage and involved fatherhood, I ask you to consider the following question. If your son or daughter comes to you one day and asks whether it is better to be married to the mother or father of their children, what will you say?
The following is a post from Christopher A. Brown, Executive Vice President of National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). If you would like to blog for us, email here.
I’m an avid reader of business articles (e.g. what works in business) because they spark ideas that NFI has implemented to help us effectively pursue our mission. But rarely do I read such an article that helps build my knowledge about the cultural challenges we face in promoting involved, responsible, committed fatherhood. Recently, however, I read an article on research conducted by professors at the Wharton School (the preeminent business school at the University of Pennsylvania) that examines how people react to scandals of celebrities with huge brands, and it provided me with additional insight on how our society has dealt with the crisis of father absence.
The researchers conducted several studies on how people react to “moral transgressions” by public figures (e.g. athletes and politicians) and whether they were more likely to react with “moral rationalization” or “moral decoupling” to those transgressions.
In moral rationalization a person downplays the moral transgression. “It’s not so bad,” they say. “Everyone else does it.” Thus, the transgression becomes excusable.
Moral decoupling, in contrast, involves separating the transgression from other acts. It preserves the person’s outrage at the transgression and allows them to believe that it doesn’t affect other parts of the transgressor’s life, profession, etc.
Remember the Tiger Woods sex scandal? (Unless you live under a rock, I’m sure you do.) What about the Michael Vick dog-fighting conviction? What has happened since those two athletes came under scrutiny for their transgressions? They’re just as, and perhaps more popular, than ever.
Forgiveness aside (and I don’t discount the importance of forgiveness), these athletes have probably benefitted from a branding standpoint because of those transgressions. (Note how Lance Armstrong’s Livestrong Foundation has seen its donations rise in the wake of him dropping his fight against doping allegations.)
The researchers found that people engage more often in moral decoupling because it allows them to maintain their view that the act was immoral and that it had or has no effect on their performance (in whatever way they perform—on the field, in Congress, etc.). Fans of Tiger and Michael say, “Sure. What he did was wrong, but I see no reason why that should affect whether I’m a fan.”
So what does this research have to do with fatherhood? Do people engage in moral decoupling when they react to non-married fatherhood? Nope. The reason is that we no longer look at non-married fatherhood as a moral transgression. Consequently, we don’t have to separate a father not being married to the mother of his children from his ability to be an involved, responsible, committed father despite the reams of evidence that marriage arose in cultures across the world in large part to connect fathers to their children, and that it provides the best environment in which to reduce the risk that children will grow up facing a host of risks.
You see, non-married fatherhood (and motherhood, by the way) has become excusable. As we’ve seen a rise in the number of out-of-wedlock childbirths leading to more and more children growing up without fathers, we’ve engaged in moral rationalization rather than moral decoupling. We say, “It’s not so bad. So many people are doing it that it doesn’t really matter.” (You only have to watch one episode of the hugely-popular Jersey Shore or the many other reality shows and sitcoms that celebrate out-of-wedlock child bearing to see my point.)
Don’t get me wrong. My argument isn’t that a specific unmarried dad can’t be a good father to his children. But when viewed through the lens of our culture and population at large, the conclusion that we have rationalized away the morality of unmarried fatherhood is undeniable. It has moved us away from our society's real need to address it in a preventive manner.
Unfortunately, the consequences of this rationalization are a huge burden on our society as noted in NFI’s 100 Billion Dollar Man study. But perhaps even more frightening is that it has, sadly, set the stage for the current debate about whether fathers are even relevant any longer.
The Dad Games challenged you for four weeks to be a “Gold Medal Dad.” Each week we provided a checklist of seven actions to help you connect with your family. The final week's challenge is Gold Medal Dads...Set Goals To Improve.
Over the last few weeks, you have been challenged to spend time connecting with your kids, working on your relationship with your spouse/mom of your children, affirming your children, and balancing work and family. Dads, after a month of challenges, you have gold medaled in fathering!
We hope as a result of the last month of challenges, you are a better family man than you were in June! It’s been a blast to be challenged, learn from other dads, and connect through The Dad Games. This closing week of The Dad Games ends on Tuesday August 21 and will be no different! Get details about The Dad Games 2012.
This week’s topic is Gold Medal Dads…Set Goals To Improve.
Get this week’s Gold Medal Dad checklist.
Now that you completed four weeks to fathering challenges. What does an Olympic athlete do? He or she continues training, right? Just as an athlete would do, we encourage you to keep training as a dad! We are here to help. We have one final week of ideas for how you can keep training for Team Dad!
The seven action steps for the final week of The Dad Games is as follows:
1) Identify areas of fathering where you are "winning gold:" Challenge yourself to write down what you are doing well. You have challenged yourself in The Dad Games, there must be something you are doing well. Write that down for this activity.
2) Identify area of fathering where you need to improve: Through the challenges, you may have found areas where you need to improve. Take time to consider areas you need improvement in and write those down for this step.
3) Set three goals to stay strong where you're already "winning:" You have your areas that you are doing well in as a dad. Take those areas and create specific and if possible numeric goals.
4) Set three goals to help yourself improve in weaker fathering areas: Like you did for areas you are doing well in, take the weaker areas and create specific and quantifiable goals.
5) Talk to your team (mom, kids, and other dads) about your goals: You now have your goals, take them and discuss them with your family and other dads. Look for people to come along and help you in areas where you are weaker. Seek out and learn from mentors. Don't wait for other dads to bring this topic up to you, they won't. Take the lead and talk openly about ways to improve as a dad.
6) Post your goals where you will see them and stay focused: Be intentional about keeping your goals in front of you. Take the effort to post your goals somewhere you will be reminded of them in the coming days.
7) Consider being a Double Duty Dad to a kid who needs a father figure: If you have completed all the challenges and created your goals, you are doing very well as a dad to your kids. You’re basically the greatest dad ever! Now, use those professional dad-skills on your community. NFI challenges you to find a child that may not have a father figure and be that influence for that child. Learn more about Double Duty Dad.
Question: What’s one area you are working on as a result of The Dad Games?
Reminder: To honor your efforts in The Dad Games, we're giving away prizes including sports memorabilia signed by celebrity athletes and free prize packs. How can you win?!
Enter by sharing your experiences and connecting with other dads on Facebook, Twitter (#DadGames12), and commenting on our blog (Get more info on how to enter here!).
Visit Gold Medal Dads…Set Goals To Improve for tips on training for Team Dad.
Is there a difference between a "healthy relationship" and a "healthy marriage?" Roland C. Warren, president of National Fatherhood Initiative, recently published a column for The Washington Post discussing current trends related to marriage and relationships. He proposes couple's ask themselves "20 Questions" to define the relationship.
In the article, Roland points out that the quality of the relationship between a child’s mother and father is one of the most important factors in determining how that child will do in life.
He sees an alarming trend in couples not seeing the importance to get married or understanding the difference between what some couples would call a "healthy relationship" and what makes a "healthy marriage?" Roland proposes that couples ask 20 questions that define the relationship in order to know the difference between a healthy marriage and a healthy relationship.
Roland writes, "At a time when marriage rates across the country are down and out-of-wedlock birthrates are at all-time highs, especially in the African American community, we must stop to consider how this trend of equating marriages and “relationships” is affecting children."
He continues, "The reality is that there is an enormous difference between a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage." As Roland points out, every couple eventually has to have that “define the relationship” conversation. This can be accomplished by asking a few thoughtful questions. Your answers to the questions may reveal something you didn't already know about your partner.
It's a problem if you never talk about your relationship status. However, the real problems arise when each partner already knows the answers to the questions, but isn't telling the other partner. It's time to have "the talk."
Read the full article by Roland C. Warren at The Washington Post or get the 20 Questions for Defining The Relationship.
photo credit: Caucas'
Week 2 is in the books and week 3 is here. We had a blast last Thursday as many dads joined our Twitter party with questions, answers, tips and advice. Join National Fatherhood Initiative (@TheFatherFactor) as we host a Twitter Party for week 3 with great prizes to get dads ready to Affirm Their Kids this week!
Get full details about The Dad Games 2012.
Join us tonight at 9PM EST as we share advice and tips for this week's topic of how to intentionally show and tell your children you love them.
An important part of being a Gold Medal Dad is affirming your child and showing affection. Showing affection and expressing praise may or may not come naturally to you, but it's important for your child to experience you demonstrating your love in visible, tangible ways. Affirmation from Dad plays a big role in shaping a child's self-confidence and attitude.
We are connecting at the party with the goal of learning from each other about how best to show our kids we love them and connect with them in an impactful way. It will be a fun time to connect and share ideas for dads of all ages who have children at all stages!
Last week's party was a great time to connect with other dads and be motivated to work through the action steps of the checklist. Remember, we're becoming Gold Medal Dads to our help impact our families.
This week’s topic is Gold Medal Dads…Affirm Their Kids.
Make sure you have our checklist with seven ideas of how you can work at your relationship.
Get this week’s Gold Medal Dad checklist.
During tonight’s Twitter party, we’ll walk through some of the challenges for the week and share stories and ideas of how to win Gold by being intentional about affirming and showing our affection to our children.
Bring your advice, tips and questions!
Be sure you’re following @TheFatherFactor and using the hashtag #DadGames12 for all your tweets.
Two prize winners will be selected from among Twitter party participants and notified at the close of party. Must be active at the party to increase your chances of winning!
What can you win? See the Dad Games prizes.
#DadGames12 Prize from Dove® Men+Care®:
Dove® Men+Care® celebrates men who are comfortable in their own skin and understand the importance of caring for themselves and others. One Twitter party participant will win an autographed sports item from a legend and the new collection of Dove® Men+Care® products to keep you literally comfortable in your own skin.
#DadGames12 Prize from Gillette:
Gillette has a series of limited edition Olympic-packaged products in suppport of their ongoing partnership with the Olympic Movement and their 25 Olympic athletes including Ryan Lochte and Tyson Gay. One Twitter party participant will win a gift package of Gillette’s Olympic-themed products - plus a fatherhood book from NFI.
Host: @TheFatherFactor
When: Thursday, August 2nd at 9PM EST
Hashtag: #DadGames12
Get next weeks Dad Games checklist directly in your email inbox by signing up for our Dad Email. Go Team Dad!
With week two of The Dad Games of 2012 is complete, and we are ready for week 3!
The Dad Games challenges dads to become “Gold Medal Dads” in five areas of fathering. Each week we provide Dad's with a checklist of seven actions to take in order to connect with the family. This week's challenge is Gold Medal Dads...Affirm Their Kids.
An important part of being a Gold Medal Dad is affirming your child and showing affection. Showing affection and expressing praise may or may not come naturally to you, but it's important for your child to experience you demonstrating your love in visible, tangible ways. Affirmation from Dad plays a big role in shaping a child's self-confidence and attitude.
To honor your efforts, we're giving away prizes including sports memorabilia signed by celebrity athletes and free gift packs of men's skin care products. Learn more about the prizes here.
We're challenging you to take the seven challenges this week to show (and tell) your kids you love them.
How can you win?!
You enter to win by sharing your experiences and connecting with other dads in The Dad Games on Facebook, Twitter, and commenting on our blog (Get more info on how to enter here!).
Subsribe to the Dad Email™ and get The Dad Games weekly checklist in your inbox.
Question: In your experience, what must you do to show (and tell) your kids you love them?
Visit Gold Medal Dads…Affirm Their Kids for tips on how you can affirm and show affection to your kids intentionally this week.
Remember to share and connect with other dads this week on the blog, Facebook and Twitter (#DadGames12).
This is a guest post by Jordan Richmond. If you want to guest post on this blog, email us here.
- “A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” –Woody Allen
On most mornings my wife gets up with the boys (we have 3 under age four) while I get ready for work. We have coffee together - well actually - in the same vicinity would be a better way to describe it. The boys are usually making a mess, crying, or fighting. We take turns refereeing. It’s chaotic, stressful, and a ton of fun. We’re like many families.
But on a particular morning not long ago, Heather and I had a little extra time to reconnect. I could tell something was bothering her, so I tried asking some probing questions. Her responses surprised me. There were no major marital issues, but she was empty and overwhelmed. I appeared distant. We love each other, but it’s not always felt.
Here are a few takeaways from that morning.
1) Don’t assume everything is alright.
Marriages cannot be lived in the neutral zone. You are either growing together or apart. If you’re not sure, and if you haven’t asked the hard questions in a while, I can confidently say you’re drifting apart. Address the issues now.
2) Give physical touch with no strings attached.
You know what I mean guys. Here’s the catch - even if you are just being sweet, she may not know it. If other areas of your marriage are suffering, your well-intentioned physical touch may be perceived as having a hidden motive. Don’t let resentment creep into your marriage.
3) Have regular date nights.
I’m a recovering failure in this department. Have a date - just because. Don’t make it an add-on to something else. Get a sitter, don’t talk about the kids, and court your wife again. No one will do it for you and it’s your fault if it doesn’t happen. Do it this week.
What advice would you give to dads trying to protect their marriage?
Visit Gold Medal Dads…Communicate with Mom for tips on how you can connect with your wife and/or the mother of your children. Remember to share and connect with other dads during week two of The Dad Games on this blog, Facebook and Twitter (#DadGames12).
This is a guest post by Jordan Richmond. Jordan is the worship pastor of Cayman Islands Baptist Church in beautiful Grand Cayman. Jordan is also a recording artist and family man. He and his wife Heather have been married 6 years and have 3 sons: Kal, Rees, and Zann. If you want to guest post on this blog, email us here. [Photo credit: Poppy Wright]
A few years ago, Ayelet Waldman wrote an article in the New York Times about how she loves her husband more than her children. It caused quite an uproar in the community of moms who called her a "bad mother" (and a lot worse) because of this.
Well, it's happened again, but this time, it is a dad saying he loves his wife more than his children. It also happens to be a very famous married couple, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman. Urban recently revealed in an interview that he loves Nicole more than their two children. To do justice to what he said, I have copied the entire quote here:
"We're very, very tight as a family unit and the children are our life, but I know the order of my love. It's my wife and then my daughters. I just think it's really important for the kids...There are too many parents who start to lose the plot a little and start to give all their love to the kids, and then the partner starts to go without. And then everybody loses. As a kid, all I needed to know was that my parents were solid. Kids shouldn't feel like they are being favoured. It's a dangerous place."
Urban may not even realize it, but what he said is incredibly profound. His family is in Australia, so things may be different there, but here in the U.S., we have become so child-centered that you are attacked when you make such statements (Editor's note: I realize this sentence can be misconstrued. Being child-centered is great. The point is that the most child-centered thing you can do is have a great marriage. So maybe "child-centeredness" is not the problem as much as "anti-marriageness" is). Some respondents to Urban's statement suggested that it is inappropriate to not love your own flesh and blood more than your spouse.
But research seems to back Urban's mentality. Generally speaking, the most important relationship in the home is the one between mom and dad. As Urban states, if their relationship fails, everyone loses. While we don't yet have research that shows specifically that marriages in which the spouses love each other more than the kids produce "better kids," we do know that kids who grow up in married homes do better, on average, across every measure of child well-being. We also know that divorce is not good for children. We also know that parents who are married to each other are closer to each other and to their kids than parents in any other family structure. Put that all together, and what Urban says looks pretty good.
Back in 2005, Ms. Waldman appeared on Oprah to defend this notion of loving one's spouse more than one's children. Our very own president, Roland Warren, was on the show to affirm her position. It was very much her (and Roland) against the world. None of the moms on the show agreed with them. But I would ask those who are angered by this notion if they have "checked it" with their children. As Urban so eloquently states above, the only thing that mattered to him was that his parents were "solid." That is where children get their sense of identity and stability from.
So, when we dote on our kids at the expense of our spouse, are we doing so because we know our kids want that, or are we really just fulfilling our own selfish needs? After all, it is "easier" to love a child, who typically loves you back without question. Things are messier with adults and they take more work.
So, before we jump on the Ayelet Waldmans and Keith Urbans of the world, let's at least consider this question from the perspective of what kids really need.
What do you think? Who do you love more, your spouse or kids?
photo credit:
SynergyByDesign