The Father Factor Blog closes the year by reposting our most popular blog post of 2012! Thank you for reading and connecting with us this year. We've enjoyed talking parenting tips and tools. Today, without further delay, we give you our most popular blog post of 2012!
Adapted from the original blog:
You know the guy. He’s a friend of yours. Everyone knows the guy who’d rather play video games 24/7 and live in his parents’ basement. You know, the guy who takes the storyline behind his favorite board game a wee bit too seriously. Yeah, you know the guy, as do I. I think I’ve figured out what makes this guy different from the one not living in his parents’ basement.
This difference is explored in Philip G. Zimbardo’s new research and book The Demise of Guys, which reveals things we’ve thought for years, but just haven’t talked about - that guys are “flaming out.”
So what’s behind this research? Zimbardo’s complaining brings great insight into the core issue. Zimbardo says media and education and society at large are the problems. Society is the “major contributor to this demise because [it is] inhibiting guys’ intellectual, creative and social abilities right from the start.” The result is young men with a lack of purpose, basic social skills, who live off of their parents.
While I think Zimbardo’s research does well to reveal the problem, the solution isn’t adapting some societal strategy to make men out of boys by retraining society to not inhibit them. Society has its issues, of course. But the problem, in my eyes, lies with the boy. There’s a difference between a boy and a man. Always has been, always will be. If you have no plan to leave your parents’ house, you’re a boy. If you don’t relate to women as equals, you’re a boy. If you aren’t emotionally able to cherish your wife, you’re a boy. If you play video games 24/7 and you’re not actually designing the games, you’re just a boy without a purpose.
Therefore, I don’t blame media, society or women – I blame father absence.
Boys learn the kinds of behaviors Zimbardo talks about from their fathers. We live in an age of mass father absence. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 24 million children in America -- one out of three -- live in biological father-absent homes. Two in three African American children live in father-absent homes. Consequently, there is a "father factor" in nearly all of the social issues facing America today. From poverty, maternal and child health, incarceration, crime, teen pregnancy, child abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, education, and childhood obesity – fatherhood changes these issues, for good or ill.
Every generation has its things for which to watch out. Sure, this generation has seen a “rise of technology enchantment” as Zimbardo points out. I certainly have more technology-related temptations than my father did. Each generation has its forms of seduction. This generation’s may be video games and online porn. My father’s temptations may have been print magazines and watching too many sports on TV. All I know is that the temptation to live for oneself will always be with us – it is part of the human condition.
The difference, though, today is that fewer and fewer boys have the stabilizing presence of an involved, responsible, and committed father in their lives to help them navigate a world of temptations and make the transition from self-centeredness to other-centeredness – the transition from boyhood to manhood. The “demise of guys” is really, at its root, the absence of fathers.
Read the original blog post: The Difference Between a Man and a Boy
Which blog post was your favorite of 2012?
The Father Factor Blog closes out the year with our top posts of 2012! We've enjoyed talking parenting tips and tools this year with you. Today is our second most popular blog post of 2012!
Excerpt from the blog:
My son was sitting in his car seat as we drove home from day care at the end of a long day. He was holding his lunch bag in his hand. He always has to have something in this hand… Then, something about the lunch bag suddenly annoyed him, so he frantically threw it down, it landed on his legs, and he kicked vigorously to make sure it ended up on the floor of the car. Then he was quiet. We listened to music in silence for the rest of the 15-minute drive home.
This happens a lot with Little Vinny. He is a bundle of emotions, needing only the slightest prompt for him to erupt into an emotional – happy, sad, angry, annoyed – storm for the next… 5 seconds.
Yes, it is true. My son has the shortest emotional outbursts I have ever seen in a human being. He is a “match.” Doesn’t take much to light it, it burns bright and hot for a few seconds, and then it is out, with little sign that anything ever happened.
But I have also heard stories of two-year-olds who are not matches, but “torches.” They are not set off too easily, but when they are, they burn for a long time. They stew and fuss and are moody and unbearable for minutes or hours.
What is your child – a match or a torch? What do you think is easier to handle for parents?
Read the full blog post: Is Your Child a Match or a Torch?
Tell us: Which blog post did you like the most in 2012?
photo credit: Leo Reynolds
The Father Factor Blog is closing out the year by revisiting some of our most popular blogs of 2012! We've enjoyed talking parenting tips and tools this year with you. Today is our third most popular blog post of 2012!
From the blog:
Discipline comes from the Latin word “discipulus” meaning “to teach; to guide.” Punishment means to “penalize” for doing something wrong. Sometimes, these get mixed up with each other, resulting in a less than ideal outcome for our children. Therefore, it’s vital us parents know the following eight things about disciplining our children.
1. Know Your Discipline Style
- The Dictator. This Dad is always strict and never nurtures. His children know what he doesn’t want them to do, but rarely what he wants them to do. This Dad says, “My way or the highway.”
- The King. This Dad is strict and nurtures when needed. His children know what he doesn’t want them to do, as well as what he wants them to do. This Dad says, “Let me show you the way.”
- The Joker. This Dad is never strict and rarely nurtures. He jokes a lot and makes fun of his children. His children don’t know what he doesn’t want them to do or what he wants them to do. This Dad says, “Let’s just have fun.”
- The Follower. This Dad is sometimes strict and sometimes nurtures. He lets Mom take the lead on discipline and backs her up when needed. His children know some of things he doesn’t want them to do and some of the things he does want them to do. This Dad says, “Do whatever Mom says.”
- The Dreamer. This Dad is never strict and never nurtures. He lets Mom take the lead on discipline and doesn’t get involved with it. His children don’t know what he wants them to do or what he wants them to do. This Dad says, “Whatever. Just leave me alone.”
2. Know the Family Rules
Clear communication is vital for understanding right and wrong in your house. You will need to establish clear boundaries for your home.
3. Know Your Reward Options
Many Dads believe discipline means “to control” rather than “to teach or to guide.” As a result, they use fear when they punish. We give examples of rewards in the full blog post. But things like praising your child for correct behavior, certain freedoms like stayin up later at night or reading an extra story at bedtime may prove helpful.
4. Know Your Punishment Options
When the time for punishment happens, it’s vital dads know they have options. We give several examples in the full blog post, but in short, things like actually saying you're disappointed and making your child right the wrong by apologizing for wrong done to someone can go a long way toward teaching your child instead of simply punishing.
5. Know Difference Between Discipline and Punishment
Many Dads define discipline as punishment. In other words, they don’t see punishment as a way to discipline in certain situations. They see punishment and discipline as the same thing.
6. Know Difference Between the Action and the Actor
Always focus on the “Action” not the “Actor.” Talk about what your child did. It’s okay, for example, to say that your child did something “bad” as long as you don’t say your child is “bad” for doing it. Keep the focus on the action.
We offer age-specific ideas for new dads learning to discipline, for kids and for teens in the full blog post.
7. Know the “Why” of Discipline
Always explain why your child is being disciplined. Discipline is meant to guide your child and to teach a lesson. It’s essential you explain to your child why they have to sit in their room or give up TV.
8. Know How to End with Love
No matter what, never end with the discipline; always end with love. Hug your child and let him or her know you are disciplining out of love.
Read the full blog post for more detailed tips: 8 Things to Know About Disciplining Your Child
Tell us: Which blog post did you like the most in 2012?
photo credit: o5com
The Father Factor Blog is closing out the year by revisiting some of our most popular blogs of 2012! We've enjoyed talking parenting tips and tools this year with you. Today is our fourth most popular blog post of 2012!
From the blog:
We call him the “24/7 Dad.” We believe that every child needs one. What we are talking about is an involved, responsible and committed father. We are talking about a dad who knows his role in the family. He understands he is a model for his sons on how to be a good man. Likewise, if he has daughters, he models what they should look for in a husband and father for their children. There are five questions every responsible father should answer. These five questions come with a guarantee: if you answer each one honestly and take action, you will become a 24/7 Dad!
The questions fit into five categories:
1. Self-Awareness. The 24/7 Dad is aware of himself as a man and aware of how important he is to his family. He knows his moods, feelings and emotions; capabilities, strengths, and challenges. He is responsible for his behavior and knows his growth depends on how well he knows and accepts himself. So, the 24/7 Dad asks himself: How well do I know myself?
2. Caring for Self. The 24/7 Dad takes care of himself. He gets annual physicals, eats right, exercises, and learns about the world he lives in. He has a strong connection to his family and community, and chooses friends who support his healthy choices. So, the 24/7 Dad asks himself: How well do I care for myself?
3. Fathering Skills. The 24/7 Dad knows his role in the family. He knows he should be involved in the daily life of his children. Consider this: Who dresses and feeds your kids? Who attends parent-teacher conferences? Who supports their sports and other interests/activities? Who helps with homework and tucks them in at night? Said a different way, if you weren’t in the family, would anyone notice based on the daily household tasks? So, the 24/7 Dad asks himself: How well do I “Father”?
4. Parenting Skills. The 24/7 Dad nurtures his children. Yes, nurturing is for men to do as well. He knows how his parenting skills help to develop their physical, emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, and creative needs. His children trust and feel safe with him because he cares about and nurtures them through the use of proven parenting skills. The 24/7 Dad uses discipline to teach and guide his children, not to threaten or harm them. So, the 24/7 Dad asks himself: How well do I “Parent”?
5. Relationship Skills. The 24/7 Dad builds and maintains healthy relationships with his children, wife/mother of his children, other family members, friends, and community. He knows and values how relationships shape his children and their lives. So, the 24/7 Dad asks himself: How well do I relate?
Read the full blog post: 5 Questions Every Father Should Ask Himself
Tell us: Which blog post did you like the most in 2012?
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The Father Factor Blog is closing out the year by revisiting some of our most popular blogs of 2012!
We've enjoyed talking parenting tips and tools this year with you. From today through December 31st, we'll post our top five blog posts of the year.
Today is our fifth most popular blog post of 2012!
We posted "3 Rules for Communicating with Your Child" and proposed thinking about communicating with our kids as a racecar driver thinks about race tracks!
From the blog:
Odds are good you didn’t wake up this morning and say to yourself, “You know, I should communicate with my kids better…or more…” No, that has never happened - EVER. Something must change in how we view communication. We understand the importance of communication, but we need something to help us remember that how we do it daily is of utmost importance...
We wrote three rules that can help you as you talk with your child. They are the same ideas that a driver must consider as he approaches:
1. Know Your Racetrack:
- Short tracks = Infants and young kids
- Intermediate tracks = School-aged children
- Superspeedways = Teenagers
- Road Courses = College-aged children and beyond
2. Practice, Practice, Practice. And then practice more.
When a NASCAR driver isn’t on the track, he is practicing. A driver’s life is about way more than that short moment on the racetrack. And all of his time leading up to the moment on the track is spent in preparation. When is the right time to practice? Early and often.
3. You Must Make Adjustments.
If Nascar drivers know anything beyond the track and practicing; they understand the importance of making adjustments. Adjustments are crucial in racing. Likewise, you as a dad will learn by trial and error. It’s good to understand you can learn both when you’re away from your child and during the moments you are with them. Great drivers know the importance of making adjustments, from “Research and Development” to “The Pit Box.”
Read the full blog post: 3 Rules for Communicating with Your Child.
Tell us: Which blog post did you enjoy the most in 2012?
'Tis the season of giving... and tax deductions for charitable contributions. As you make your holiday charitable donations, here are 5 reasons to give to National Fatherhood Initiative. If you can say "yes" to any of these five statements, we hope you'll consider supporting our work financially.
You want to improve the lives of real dads and kids.
Troy Gaines can tell you firsthand how NFI helped him end the cycle of father absence and incarceration in his family and give a better life to his son Xavier. Your donations help us reach more dads and kids just like Troy and Xavier. Watch their story:
If you've been inspired by Troy and Xavier's story, donate today.
You love the helpful tips and encouragement you get from NFI.
The Dad Email™, The Father Factor blog, and fatherhood.org are all free services that we make available to help you connect heart-to-heart with your kids. However, we depend on the support of generous friends like you to keep the practical tips, funny stories, and inspiring advice you appreciate coming on a regular basis.
If you've benefited personally from NFI and want to get more great fathering advice, donate today.
You believe every child deserves to have an involved, responsible and committed father.
Children who grow up with an involved father are much more likely to do well in school, avoid drugs and alcohol, stay away from criminal activity, be healthy, not be poor, and display positive emotional and social development. NFI helps dads gain the skills they need to provide, nurture, and guide their children.
If you want to reduce the heart-breaking trend of father absence, donate today.
You want your donation to be used efficiently to support fathers and families.
NFI is a 501c3 non-profit and takes extra care to make sure we steward the donations of our supporters wisely. We work to keep adminstrative costs at a minimum so that your donations can be used to advance our important mission of improving child well-being and promoting responsible fatherhood.
If you want to impact families across the country, donate today.
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NFI is the #1 provider of fatherhood skill-building resources in the country. Our comprehensive programs developed by fathering and parenting experts have been tested by independent, third-party evaluations and proven to be effective in improving fathering knowledge and skills. Trusted and used by the vast majority of family-serving organizations at the local, state, and federal level that offer fatherhood programs, NFI's resources are making an impact in communities and families in all 50 states of the U.S.
If you want to increase the impact of effective fatherhood programs in your community and around the nation, donate today.
We greatly appreciate your consideration for this year-end season of giving! Our mission depends on your donations and we are very grateful to each of our supporters for partnering with us to improve child well-being and strengthen families!
Best wishes for the New Year to you and your family!
Happy Holidays from our famlies to yours! We've had a great time sharing stories of our most memorable holidays from across the entire nation. We hope you're taking time to enjoy your famliy and create more memories worth writing about!
Find our "12 Dads of Christmas" below and enjoy your holiday. Merry Christmas!
Dad 1: Jeff Land, A Generous Christmas:
“Christmas won’t be as big this year,” my mom’s constant reminder rung out in my mind. She and my dad were terribly afraid my brothers and I would be disappointed. She daily reminded us that this year was going to be different... Read more.
Dad 2: Ricky Choi, Holidays at the Hospital:
As a resident physician I spent a Christmas holiday working in the hospital. Because illness and accidents didn’t take a break during the holidays, someone on the physician staff couldn’t either. But I didn’t mind... Read more.
Dad 3: Madison Cowan, Christmas Every Day:
Christmastime for most of us is full on with memories. Whether of religious observances or the thought of gathering with loved ones to share cheer and compliments of the season. I recall as a child the magic of the holidays: playing in the snow, picking out a tree, the joy brought on by an original Marx Rock`em Sock`em Robots game, or the tantalizing aroma of Christmas lunch wafting throughout the house... Read more.
Dad 4: Chris Read, A Canadian Dad's Christmas Story:
If I HAD to pick memorable moments, that I can remember at least, a couple come to mind. The first involves my father and my uncle, who decided to give us kids a Christmas treat by setting up an elaborate scene for us. They set it up so that we all thought Santa had visited while we were there for our annual Christmas dinner. They had set up reindeer prints outside and even created a loud thud on the roof to make us think Santa was there... Read more.
Dad 5: John Wilke, Church, Chocolate and Charlie Brown: How One Dad Makes Christmas Bright:
For many children, the Christmas season is the most special time of year. In their little minds, the holidays brings new toys, candy, cakes, time off from school, parents possibly off from work and maybe even playing in the snow... Read more.
Dad 6: Dave Taylor, Creating Holiday Memories:
I'll be honest. My parents weren't really into holidays, either for themselves or for us kids. We celebrated some American holidays, but as newly minted Americans (I was born in England and didn't become a US citizen until I was 16) a lot of those holidays seemed less than vital. Then there were birthdays, which just weren't much of a big deal, with frankly uninspired present exchanges. Finally, we also celebrated the main Jewish holidays (Passover, Hannukah) but, again, not with great zeal and enthusiasm... Read more.
Dad 7: Jason Bruce, Slowing Down Makes Christmas Memorable:
The Christmas season becomes more hectic as one becomes an adult and a parent. That’s why memories of my childhood always come to my mind first when I reflect on my most memorable Christmases... Read more.
Dad 8: Scott Behson, An Involved Father Shares What's Better Than Being Santa:
Like virtually every child, I LOVED Christmas, especially when I was young enough to believe in Santa. After growing up, Christmas is still special, but it is no longer magic. That is, until you have kids and can now pass the magic along to them- and even better YOU get to be Santa. As a dad, it is never more true than during Christmas that it is better to give than to receive... Read more.
Dad 9: Tim Red, NFI Staff Share Their Favorite Holiday Traditions:
One of my most memorable Christmases as a Dad was held on Thanksgiving in 2005 because two days later I was deploying for a year and would miss Christmas with my Family... Read more.
Dad 10: Erik Vecere, NFI Staff Share Their Favorite Holiday Traditions:
One of the Christmases that I still laugh about occurred when I was boy back in the early 1980’s. I was so excited to get one of those football fields that you placed the little football players on and plugged it in... Read more.
Dad 11: Chris Delgado, First Comes Pizza, Then Comes Proposal: The Christmas She Said "Yes!":
My favorite Christmas marked a transition and a new meaning in my life. It was the year 2001 and this is when I proposed to my girlfriend who is now my wife... Read more.
Dad 12: Dave Sniadak, Reflecting on Christmas Past, Present:
For me, Christmas was always a magical time of year. Where I lived growing up, we almost always had snow - lots of it - but not bitter biting, freeze your nose off cold that kept you locked up in the house. I would spend hours rolling snowmen and exploring the backwoods behind our house, checking for tracks and remnants of elves sneaking around the yard. And while I never went into the holiday season with a set expectation of what I'd get from Santa, he certainly never disappointed... Read more.
What have you enjoyed most from this holiday season and our 12 Dads of Christmas?
Continue connecting with us by sharing your most memorable holiday. You can record a video, share a picture, or post a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor. Use #12DadsofXmas so we see your message!
This is a guest post by Jeff Land. Jeff is Editorial Project Leader for LifeWay Kids. He is married with four children and lives in Nashville, Tennessee. Find Jeff's personal blog at LandLife, follow him on Twitter @JeffLand and Facebook. He writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in guest blogging for us, send an email.
“Christmas won’t be as big this year,” my mom’s constant reminder rung out in my mind. She and my dad were terribly afraid my brothers and I would be disappointed. She daily reminded us that this year was going to be different.
It was Fall in Mississippi, just before Thanksgiving break and I was in eighth grade. My big brother Trae picked me up from school and told me that we had to go to Jackson to the hospital. We picked up my little brother, Bobby, and then Trae explained to us that our Dad had to have open-heart surgery. We were scared, but didn’t quite understand the severity of the situation. Trae was very worried. He was the only one that really understood how serious my dad’s condition was.
Dad came through the quadruple by-pass surgery just fine. He was recovering well, but in the midst of his sickness, he also lost his job. Our family of five was surviving on my mom’s schoolteacher salary. Because my parents had always given us huge Christmases, my mom felt the constant need to remind us that this year would be small.
Christmas morning came and we opened our presents. I honestly don’t think I noticed we had fewer than normal. I was just really thankful for the opportunity God had given us to keep our dad here on earth! We were headed out to my grandparents’ house for breakfast when I noticed a huge box on our porch.
I yelled for my brothers and we opened the box. Inside was a new Sega™. Still more, our secret Santa had chosen specific gifts for my brothers and me. I got a new “ornament” for my prized aquarium. I don’t know if my parents ever knew who brought those gifts on Christmas Eve but I certainly know we were impressed by the generosity.
I’ve had so many great Christmases over the years, but this one has always stood out as pivotal. It was the Christmas that we were all together and things could have been so different. It was also the year that a generous friend took a few extra steps to make sure the Land boys had an amazing Christmas.
What's your most memorable Christmas and why?
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
This is a guest post by Dr. Ricky Choi. Choi is a pediatrician and Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. He serves on the Board of Directors for the National Physicians Alliance and is a national leader of the American Academy of Pediatrics. He lives in San Francisco with his wife and two children. Find him at The Huffington Post and on his blog. He writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in guest blogging for us, send an email.
Christmas Memories
As a resident physician I spent a Christmas holiday working in the hospital. Because illness and accidents didn’t take a break during the holidays, someone on the physician staff couldn’t either. But I didn’t mind.
One of the many reasons I chose pediatrics as a specialty was the value staff placed on those things that were important to children. And for most kids, Christmas is a big deal. Though the inpatient unit was typically busy during the winter the pediatric staff made every effort to get kids home for Christmas -even if it only meant returning to the hospital 24 hours later.
So the few days before the big day were filled with commotion and hustle in the air. Some of the children required significant accommodations to make sure that they were safe to go home.
My arrival on the pediatric floor Christmas morning was met with silence. Piled high in front of the nurses station were wrapped presents donated by the local fireman which arrived after the mass exodus. Gone was the chorus of monitors beeping and mobs of staff rushing from room to room. The ward was, however, not completely empty.
Scattered throughout the ward were a handful of children who had stayed behind. The children with cancer needed their daily chemo or were too immunologically defenseless to go home. Having endured so much pain and hardship from their illness and the brutal treatment they seemed especially deserving of a holiday. Their families were there bright and smiling, desperate for something to celebrate. They savored each moment knowing that the only Christmas they were certain to have together was that day. The eery quiet in the ward made the laughter seem louder, the wrapping paper shinier, and the celebrations that much more festive. It was a day those children dearly deserved and their parents hoped to never forget.
New Traditions
After my eldest daughter turned 3 years old, I began taking her to newborn hospital rounds on Christmas morning. After the gifts were opened and the late breakfast eaten we gathered our things, me with my stethoscope, she with her colorful toy doctor’s kit. Then we hopped into the car with the hopes of seeing a Christmas baby at the newborn nursery.
During the ride we talked about caring for babies: washing hands and gentle touching. I described the joy that this family must be feeling to have such a special gift during the holidays. I recalled the immense joy I felt when she was born only a few years before.
This new tradition is a chance for my daughter to build a sense of connectedness with the lives of others. The most amazing part of being a physician is the privilege to be a part of peoples lives at the most meaningful of moments. Hopefully my children too will make caring for others inform their life choices. I can’t think of a better way to plant this seed than bringing her to a celebration for a new life on Christmas morning.
What's your most memorable Christmas and why?
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
This is a guest post by Chef Madison Cowan. Madison is a dad, husband, CEO of Madison Cowan LLC, author, producer, Food Network's Iron Chef America & Chopped Grand Champion. Find him at Madison Cowan, follow him on Twitter @Madisons_Ave and on Facebook. He writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in guest blogging for us, send an email.
Christmastime for most of us is full on with memories. Whether of religious observances or the thought of gathering with loved ones to share cheer and compliments of the season. I recall as a child the magic of the holidays: playing in the snow, picking out a tree, the joy brought on by an original Marx Rock`em Sock`em Robots game, or the tantalizing aroma of Christmas lunch wafting throughout the house.
These are just a few traditions I’ve held onto and now share with my own family. It is equally important we not forget all those less fortunate children and families, struggling daily to make ends meet or put food on the table, or who won’t have a Christmas…again. From the age of 2 I’ve exposed my daughter to a life of volunteering and service to others as the spirit of giving extends well beyond this time of year.
That said, one of my favourite holiday memories is making a large batch of my mum’s 7UP pound cake with my daughter a few years back to donate to a food pantry in London. Buttery, crunchy topping and feather light texture, her secret was to weigh or measure the flour again after sifting then mix everything together at once. Swans Down cake flour, a vintage metal crank sifter and an egg cracking munchkin evoked warmth of Christmases past.
The power is in the present moment, so pop in that Rudolph or Frosty DVD, put on Nat King Cole’s "The Christmas Song" and get stuck in creating new traditions with your lil’ ones…this Christmas and always.
Jean Bean’s 7UP Pound Cake
Unbleached cake flour 3 cups, sifted
Unrefined cane sugar 2 cups
Unsalted butter 1 lb., softened at room temperature
Eggs 6, room temperature
Pure vanilla extract 1 tsp.
Lemon extract 2 tsp.
7up lemon soda ¾ cup, room temperature
Heat the oven to 375F. Place the flour into a large mixing bowl and make a well in the center. Add the remaining ingredients and blend with an electric hand mixer until smooth. DO NOT OVERMIX.
Butter and lightly dust with flour a fluted cake tin or 2 to 3 loaf tins. Carefully pour the mixture into the tins as not to pack tight and bake mid-oven for 1 hour 15 minutes or until golden brown and an inserted table knife comes out clean.
Another tip is to keep the oven door closed and check doneness only after the first 50 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes and remove from tins. Serve simply with fresh seasonal fruit or berries, whipped cream or icing sugar. Serves 12 to 15
What family recipe makes the holiday special for you?
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
In case you missed it, Vince DiCaro was interviewed on Fox News discussing our recent blog on the father factor and its possible role in the Sandy Hook School shootings.
Parents: watch the interview and tell us; what should be done to prevent these tragedies?
Connect with The Father Factor on Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
This is a guest post by Chris Read. Chris is father to two young children. Read his blog, Canadian Dad, and follow him on Twitter @CanadianDadBlog, or on his Facebook Page. He writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in guest blogging for us, send an email.
If I HAD to pick memorable moments, that I can remember at least, a couple come to mind. The first involves my father and my uncle, who decided to give us kids a Christmas treat by setting up an elaborate scene for us. They set it up so that we all thought Santa had visited while we were there for our annual Christmas dinner. They had set up reindeer prints outside and even created a loud thud on the roof to make us think Santa was there. To this day I have no idea how they did that but we were very excited about all of it and looking back, I really appreciate the effort they put into it.
The other Christmas memory I have is of my father. Every year, we had a tradition of going for a family walk. We’d bundle up, drive to the local trail and walk for about an hour or so. As my brother and I got older, it became more of a forced walk than a voluntary one but we’d always end up going. It wasn’t until my father passed away, that I truly understood the importance of this yearly ritual; and it wasn’t a year later, when I had kids of my own, that I really understood the significance of the walks, to my father. I’m glad I never said no to his requests for a family walk but I wish I had shown a little more enthusiasm, in retrospect.
As far as my young family goes, with our kids being 2 and 4, we are still trying to carve out our holiday traditions. We have an Elf on the Shelf named Zerby and a 5 year old fake tree without a name, because naming it feels weird. We try to visit Santa at least once a Christmas season, we love going tobogganing and we have cheesy ornaments for our tree that we let the kids put wherever they want.
I don’t know what the future will bring as far as family Christmas traditions but the one thing I am sure of, is that our Christmas Day walk will be the one that will always be there.
What's the one thing, like Chris' Christmas Day walk, that you must have in order to enjoy a bright holiday?
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
In the wake of the horrific tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, our nation is collectively mourning and trying to figure out how something this terrible could happen. While it is not our job at NFI to figure out how to solve issues around gun control and mental health treatment, we would be remiss not to point out that once again, like in so many tragedies of this nature, there appears to be a significant “father factor” at play.
As we learn more and more about the troubled life of shooter Adam Lanza, it appears that the divorce of his parents had a significant, negative impact on his life.
It is becoming clear that Adam Lanza suffered from some sort of emotional or psychological disorder that has not yet been specified. It also appears that this mental disorder contributed significantly to the heinous crime he committed. However, we know from research that children from father-absent homes are more likely to have emotional problems and are also more likely to commit crimes.According to this news article, he took the divorce especially hard – “The break up was traumatic, leaving the couple's sons devastated.” His father, Peter Lanza, had moved out and remarried in 2009; and although he had legal access to his child, he had not seen him in 6 months. In other words, there were no legal barriers preventing him from seeing his child, but he had not seen him since June. Adam Lanza was not alone in this – fully one third of children from father-absent homes never see their dads, and another third only see them once per month*.
This blog has written several times about the father factor in mass murders (the Aurora shooting, the D.C. sniper, and Chardon High School, the Norway terrorist, and Tucson), and the patterns we see in each and every one of these cases is eerily similar.
Had Peter Lanza been more involved in his son’s life -- helping him deal with the mental anguish it appears he was going through -- would things have turned out differently? Sadly, we will never know.
For now, all we can do is mourn with the families who were affected by this tragedy and start to work together to devise solutions that will reduce the likelihood of this sort of tragedy happening again. And certainly, part of the solution needs to be to ensure that all children have involved, responsible, and committed fathers in their lives who can help them navigate a difficult world, one that is especially difficult for the mentally ill.
*See:
- Stewart, Susan D. “Nonresident Parenting and Adolescent Adjustment: The Quality of Nonresident Father-Child Interaction.” Journal of Family Issues, 24 (March 2003): 217-244
- Aquilino, W.S. (2006). The noncustodial father-child relationship from adolescence into young adulthood. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68, 929-946
photo credit: Rickydavid
This is a guest post by Jon D. Wilke. Jon is the media relations manager for a major religious non-profit organization and a former U.S. Marine. He is a married father of two young daughters. Follow his blog at jonwilke.worpress.com or on Twitter at @jon_wilke. He writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in writing for us, send an email.
For many children, the Christmas season is the most special time of year. In their little minds, the holidays brings new toys, candy, cakes, time off from school, parents possibly off from work and maybe even playing in the snow.
As Dads, this is our time of the year to shine. We can make lifelong memories, set family traditions and provide eternal perspective on this treasured time.
A few years ago, I read an article by a prominent Christian pastor that challenged me to become intentional about Christmas and not be a passive spectator. It challenged me to take charge of my family’s celebration and holiday schedule, set priorities and limits and focus on giving my time, my efforts and my love.
Last year, my wife and I started an Advent tradition that some call “The Jesse Tree.” Every night between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, we gather our family around a small tree where I read or tell a short story from Scripture relating to the birth of Jesus. My oldest daughter gets excited, because every night she gets to hang a new ornament on this little tree. We end with a short prayer that’s connected to the Scripture and the ornament.
All this may sound costly, but our tree was about $15, and my wife printed paper ornaments from the Internet and laminated them. There are numerous guides online as well. While this may sound boring and rote, it’s simple. This 3-5 minutes a night routine has become the core of our Christmas celebration.
My kids will never forget the next tradition. On Christmas morning, after opening gifts and having playtime, we eat birthday cake for breakfast and sing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus. While we eat, we listen to a short reading of the Christmas story from the Bible. We talk about what happened in the story and reflect on the gifts given to the baby by the wisemen.
Other family traditions include:
• Driving my family around looking at Christmas lights.
• Watching classic Christmas movies like “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” and "Charlie Brown."
• Drinking lots of hot chocolate.
• Taking my family to church.
• Giving back to community and global needs.
• Helping decorate without grumbling.
Many of the ideas above come from various places. My kids and wife don’t care where I got the ideas nor the motivation—they care about Christmas because I care about Christmas.
There’s more peace and joy in our house, my wife smiles more and my children are beginning to understand Christmas for what it really is.
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
This is a guest post by Dave Taylor. Dave is a single dad to three kids, writing about his experiences at Go Fatherhood from their base of operation in Boulder, Colorado. He writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in writing for us, send an email.
I'll be honest. My parents weren't really into holidays, either for themselves or for us kids. We celebrated some American holidays, but as newly minted Americans (I was born in England and didn't become a US citizen until I was 16) a lot of those holidays seemed less than vital. Then there were birthdays, which just weren't much of a big deal, with frankly uninspired present exchanges. Finally, we also celebrated the main Jewish holidays (Passover, Hannukah) but, again, not with great zeal and enthusiasm.
Of all those, I think Passover seder was the most memorable, and I have many fond memories of my cousin David and I giggling and cracking up as the ceremonial dinner proceeded, us often interrupting the readings with long portions of Monty Python dialog. I can only imagine how the adults dealt with it, but as a kid, it was definitely a fun holiday to celebrate with good food and favorite family members.
Now that I'm a single dad, creating holiday memories for my own children has become much more important. Whether it's my traditional Thanksgiving pot luck with friends and their children (my family lives far away, unfortunately) or hosting their birthday parties at our party-friendly house -- most recently my girl's sweet 16 sleepover! -- I have come to realize the value of celebration, the truth that without occasionally taking time out to be with the ones we love just for fun and social activity, it's hard to remember to be grateful and appreciative of the blessings we have in our lives.
And I can only hope that in ten or twenty years my children will be sharing with me their favorite holiday memories from when they were kids, whether it's the splattery mess of latkes for Hannukah and the gambling on which of the candles will burn out first on the menorah or my extraordinary ability to pick perfect presents for them, year after year. Well, maybe the latter's a bit much to hope for!
After all, holidays are about all of us, they're about our ability to stop and smell the proverbial roses, to enjoy and appreciate the amazing people with whom we get to travel through our lives. And if they're our kids, so much the better!
What's one thing you have to appreciate this holiday season?
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
This is a guest post by Jason Bruce. Jason is the social media specialist for the Colson Center and lives in Northern Virginia with his wife and two kids. Follow him on Twitter (@JasonBruce) and visit his blog The Living Rice. Jason writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in writing for us, send an email.
The Christmas season becomes more hectic as one becomes an adult and a parent. That’s why memories of my childhood always come to my mind first when I reflect on my most memorable Christmases.
I grew up in the Philippines and Christmas season there starts as early as September 1st and ends on the first Sunday of January- making the Filipino Christmas celebration the longest in the world.
I always remember having fun doing my “Christmas round” every Christmas day. It is when I wear my best clothes and visit nearby aunts, uncles, godmothers and godfathers and collect Christmas gifts from them. I would enjoy coming home with a pile of gifts and some cash in my pocket and comparing it with how much my siblings received.
With my own family, we make the season memorable by having the longest Christmas season we can at home. We start putting up Christmas decorations and playing Christmas music sometime mid- to late November and take it all down in January. We let our two kids do simple community activities through our local church during this season in hopes that they understand Christmas is not all about themselves and gifts.
To share some nostalgia, we pop some popcorn and bake Christmas cookies. We usually watch our favorite holiday movies together like A Charlie Brown Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life and my wife’s favorite, While You Were Sleeping.
Christmas is all about family closeness and the birth of Christ. These are two important aspects my wife and I hope will be instilled in our children. Spending Christmas eve and Christmas day with extended family members is a priority as well as attending church and re-telling the Nativity story at bed time.
These are straight-forward demonstrations that share the values we want our kids to remember—not only during Christmas—but all year round. Slowing down with my kids and engaging them in serious conversations about Christmas and it’s true meaning is always a reason to celebrate in our home. Remember this mom and dad, the most memorable Christmas probably won't be the most hectic one—it'll be the one where you slowed down!
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
photo credit: MSVG
Regular readers of The Father Factor know that this blog is a great source of helpful tips for dads and funny/inspiring stories from fathers and dadbloggers about their experiences in fathering.
But perhaps you’ve wondered what else National Fatherhood Initiative does to fulfill our mission of improving child well-being by increasing the proportion of children who grow up with involved, responsible, and committed children.
Since 2004, NFI has distributed 6.3 million fatherhood resources to dads to help them be the best dads they can be. Troy is one of those dads. His story of connection with his son Xavier, despite the challenges of incarceration and loss, is an inspiration to those of us who work here at NFI. We hope it inspires and encourages you, too.
The story below is reprinted from NFI’s Executive Quarterly newsletter. Please consider supporting NFI financially with a gift of $25, $50, $100 or more to help us reach more dads and kids like Troy and Xavier.
Troy Gaines knows firsthand the pain of wondering why his dad didn’t care enough about him to be part of his life. But thanks to NFI – and the support of people like you – his son Xavier doesn’t have to ask those questions.
“My father, as far as I was concerned, didn’t have any kind of role.” Troy’s dad never said anything of substance to him, offer guidance, or even show up to watch Troy’s football games. Troy felt like he had done something wrong to make his father not want to see him. The pain made him want to lash out.
Troy looked for other people to fill that void and teach him things about life. Unfortunately, the people he turned to were the guys in his neighborhood who were doing “all the bad stuff.” Eventually, Troy ended up in prison.
One week prior to landing in prison, Troy became a father to Xavier. “I remember thinking that Xavier would feel the same way about me as I felt about my father. I’m not going to be able to connect with him and show him the path to growing as a man.”
One day, some men looking for drugs came to the wrong house and shot and killed Troy’s girlfriend, the mother of Xavier. This tragic event was a pivotal moment in changing Troy’s outlook on life. “I had to make a serious, serious change in me, my mind, the way I did things, and the way I presented myself to my community. I didn’t have all the answers and I needed to go to someone or go somewhere where I could find some guidance on fatherhood and being a better man.”
Thankfully, his facility offered National Fatherhood Initiative’s InsideOut Dad® program. InsideOut Dad® gave Troy the inspiration to make a better life for himself and the skills to connect with his son. Troy is now committed to being an involved, responsible, and committed dad. He helps Xavier with homework and goes to his football practices – the very things he craved so much from his dad.
“The [National] Fatherhood Initiative program helped me realize that you have to make some changes in your life because what you’re doing is going to affect your boy. Kids do exactly what they see their parents do. If I didn’t straighten up how I did, he would probably follow in my footsteps because he wanted to be like me. I tell my son at least five times a day that I love him. We love each other. I think he understands and believes that my focus is to be the best man in this world that I can.”
The positive impact that Troy is making in his son’s life is obvious. Xavier told us, “With my dad at my games, I feel better and I care more. I love him a lot because he is a very good dad. If you make a mistake, he’ll make you keep going and going and… make you lift your head up. My dad loves me and would do anything for me.”
These kinds of changes are only possible because of the financial support of people like you. NFI depends on the generosity of donors to make our programs available to dads like Troy. Ultimately, it’s kids like Xavier who really reap the benefits of your support. Please donate today to help us give more kids like Xavier a brighter future.
This is a guest post by Scott Behson. Scott runs Fathers Work and Family. He is an Associate Professor of Management at Fairleigh Dickinson University and writes this post for NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." He lives with his wife, Amy, and son, Nick, in Nyack, NY. If you are interested in writing for us, send an email.
Like virtually every child, I LOVED Christmas, especially when I was young enough to believe in Santa. After growing up, Christmas is still special, but it is no longer magic. That is, until you have kids and can now pass the magic along to them- and even better YOU get to be Santa. As a dad, it is never more true than during Christmas that it is better to give than to receive.
However, my favorite Christmas fatherhood moment came not when I gave, but when it became clear to me that my son, Nick, learned the joy of giving. Two Christmases ago, when he was 5, I had taken Nick to an art center a few weeks before Christmas—you know the kind, where kids can paint ceramics or make mosaics. He chose to make a small mosaic for his mother. I helped only a little bit, and the mosaic turned out great. Both the woman at the art center and I complimented his work quite a bit. He was very proud.
As Christmas approached, Nick kept talking about what he made for mom, and became increasingly excited about giving it to her. I had to keep reminding him not to ruin the surprise. Of course, he was excited about presents, too, but he was really focused on giving the mosaic to mom.
On Christmas morning, Nick wakes up, gets us out of bed and runs downstairs to the tree. There’s a tree full of presents, including some big impressive-looking boxes and a bike with a bow. But Nick hardly even noticed. He dug through the presents to find his gift for mom, and proudly gave it to her.
For me, this was a precious fatherhood moment, and was even better than getting to be Santa. At such a young age, my son learned the true meaning of Christmas.
I hope all you fellow Santas out there have joyous holidays!
Scott is running a promotion at his Fathers, Work and Family blog. He is donating $2 to the National Fatherhood Initiative for every new person who follows his blog by the end of the year. Please click here for details.
Question: What's one thing that makes the holiday season special for you?
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
NFI staff were asked to share answers to two questions as part of "The 12 Dads of Christmas: 12 Dads. 12 Stories. 12 Memories" campaign.
- What was your favorite Christmas (either as a child or as a parent)?
- What makes Christmas meaningful to your family today?
Tim Red
Senior Program Support Consultant, Military
One of my most memorable Christmases as a Dad was held on Thanksgiving in 2005 because two days later I was deploying for a year and would miss Christmas with my Family. As I reflect, I remember how happy my oldest son was with his new laptop. And I got a laptop so I would be able to communicate with them—he then spent the rest of the day setting it up for me. It was a very happy day considering the circumstances.
One of my most memorable Christmases as a kid was the Christmas I got Major Matt Mason (an astronaut), his space station and his moon rover. I played with those toys forever.
And last but not least was the first Christmas after I got a full-time job. I had just turned nineteen and I surprised my family with some special gifts. My Family had lived in an apartment since I was in the fifth grade. The Summer after I graduated they bought a home. We had never had pets as kids but now we could and I got my Sister a puppy for one of the special gifts. She was so excited. I also got all of my family tickets to go to the Cotton Bowl. We were big fans of UT and they were getting ready to play Notre Dame for the National Championship on January 1, 1978. Just looking at my their faces was priceless when they saw those tickets.
What makes Christmas memorable for my own children? They cannot come into the living room on Christmas morning until their Mother and I are awake and ready. Then they have to line up in the hallway by age and then I “release the hounds, I mean kids” so they can charge into the living room to see what Santa has brought them. And those moments have been very frustrating for them sometimes as I tease them about when I will release them.
Erik Vecere
Vice President, Project Design & Consulting
One of the Christmases that I still laugh about occurred when I was boy back in the early 1980’s. I was so excited to get one of those football fields that you placed the little football players on and plugged it in. I don’t know what I expected, but I thought the players would do more than just vibrate aimlessly around. I remember trying to have a thankful heart, but that made it really hard!
In my family now, we always go to church on Christmas Eve and then read the Christmas story from the Bible after we get back. We then open most of our gifts on Christmas Eve, but save a few gifts for Christmas morning.
Visit our "12 Dads of Christmas" and join in to share your most memorable Christmas by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor. Use the hashtag #12DadsofXmas to connect!
This is a guest post from Eric Cohen. Eric is the Co-Founder of Macaroni Kid. He lives in Southampton, New York with his wife and two kids. Follow the Chief Dad at Macaroni Kid on Twitter @MacaroniDad. If you are interested in writing for us, send an email.
As a kid, Hanukkah was my favorite holiday. Of course the presents played a big part of it, but what made it really special to me was how for eight nights in a row, my dad was home to share dinner and the festivities. Most of us who are now fathers grew up in a time when dad was the breadwinner and worked long hours, and mom was home with the kids. Family dinners were reserved for Sunday nights.
But Hanukkah was a special time. Work for my dad eased off and he made it a priority to spend time with us. Sometimes we’d take a family vacation. I celebrated Hanukkah under palm trees in the tropics and at a ski lodge in Vermont. My parents would pack the presents, menorah and candles and we’d have Hanukkah “to go”.
With my own kids, I want to ensure that what they remember most is the time we spend together around the holiday, not the new iPod, Barbie or video game. So we have a few traditions of our own that put the emphasis on family.
We do this by “theming” several of the nights of Hanukkah. One night is always “book night” where we exchange books as gifts. Each child gets a book or two, and my wife and I exchange books as presents. This is a nice way to share the gift of reading and remind our kids how important reading is.
Another night of Hanukkah we declare as “sock night” where everyone in the family gets socks. Gym socks, dress socks, ski socks and more have made appearances on sock night. As much as this is something we need, it reminds our kids that not every present has to be about fun and games, and the important thing is being together. We probably laugh more on sock night than any other night.
The next themed night we have is “trip night.” Prior to Hanukkah, my wife and I plan a family trip sometime in the new year, and on trip night we share where we are going with the kids. It’s a way of extending Hanukkah and promising more family memories.
The last themed night and maybe the most important one is “charity night”. On charity night we give the children each a budget and package of information about non-profits that we feel will interest them. Then they pick which one they’d like to donate to. One year, they gave a goat and two chickens to a family in Africa. Last year my son selected Doctors without Borders and my daughter the World Wildlife Fund.
The other four nights are devoted to typical presents and Hanukkah fun. But we have seen that the true joy of Hanukkah is spending time together and celebrating our family.
Question: What's the one thing that makes the holiday season special for you?
Join in and share your most memorable holiday by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor.
photo credit: oskay
This is a guest post from Chris Delgado. Chris is a facilitator in the Family Wellness Program through the New Mexico State University Strengthening Families Initiative. He lives in Las Cruces, NM with his wife and young daughter. Chris writes this story as part of NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas." If you are interested in writing for us, send an email.
My favorite Christmas marked a transition and a new meaning in my life. It was the year 2001 and this is when I proposed to my girlfriend who is now my wife.
We had been high school sweethearts since the 10thgrade and we were going to the same college. It was our first semester in college that fall—so talk about a major transition in moving away from home, being the first to go to college in my family, and deciding to spend my life with the most important person I know.
But first, I had to get her parent’s permission before I asked for her hand in marriage.
It wasn’t the most optimal way to ask her mom and dad but I did it over the phone. I was so nervous! My wife is their eldest daughter so knowing that added even more pressure.
It was done, however, and I got approval albeit with some awkward pauses in between the conversation.
So that Christmas Eve along with a large pizza, a movie and the ring hidden under our couch, I got on one knee, said how much she meant to me and the journey I wanted to share together and popped the question...she said yes! One of the best presents ever! We’ve been married eight years now and it’s still one of the most memorable moments in my life.
I think the most memorable thing we do as a family is order pizza (we have since 2001) and watch random movies along with Christmas movies. Some families may have Christmas dinner but we have pizza. It’s great. You should try it once. You don’t have to mess with cooking or cleaning.
This tradition for us has special meaning. The reason this started was because my wife and I were poor college students that couldn’t make the almost four-hour trip back home for Christmas. We had to do something. Since pizza was cheap and we could “rent” movies at our apartment for free, this became our thing to do.
Since 2001, you’ll find a pizza to eat and a movie with us. As it turned out, the pizza idea has worked and now we include our family back home now that mange to visit our family more often. Pizza is not yet as popular as the traditional dinner; but at least we have a small part of what my wife and I started back in 2001.
Lastly, our 6-year-old daughter loves this idea! In her eyes, pizza trumps ham and stuffing any day of the week—especially during Christmas.
Question: What one thing makes the holiday season special for you?
Visit our "12 Dads of Christmas" and join in to share your most memorable Christmas by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor. Use the hashtag #12DadsofXmas to connect!
The following is a post from Dave Sniadak, Minnesota-based award winning video and PR guy by trade and NFL videographer for fun, Dave is Creative Director at Axiom and writes at his blog HDHubby. Follow him on Twitter @DaveSniadak. Dave writes this story as part of NFI's "The 12 Dads of Christmas: 12 Dads. 12 Stories. 12 Memories." If you are interested in writing about your most memorable Christmas, send us an email.
For me, Christmas was always a magical time of year. Where I lived growing up, we almost always had snow - lots of it - but not bitter biting, freeze your nose off cold that kept you locked up in the house. I would spend hours rolling snowmen and exploring the backwoods behind our house, checking for tracks and remnants of elves sneaking around the yard. And while I never went into the holiday season with a set expectation of what I'd get from Santa, he certainly never disappointed.
My favorite Christmas was the year I got two of my most memorable gifts - cross country skis, and a Nintendo Entertainment System. While most of my friends would have holed themselves up in their rooms playing Super Mario Brothers, I strapped on my skis and explored the great outdoors. This took my winter treks to a whole new level. That said, I did spend a lot of time playing Tecmo Bowl over the next twelve months.
The one thing that was missing during all this self-exploration and technological enrichment? My dad. He was around, don't get me wrong, and as I learned later in life, he was pretty much responsible for making sure Santa took care of me. But at 11, 12, 13, who wanted to play Duck Hunt with your dad? And when it came to carving out tracks in the yard with my new skis, well, that was a solo adventure all the way. For my father, I believe, seeing the excitement and joy we had in playing with the presents "Santa" left under the tree was all he needed. Or was it? I haven't broached the subject with him out of fear of what he might actually say - that I turned him away from opportunities to play with me because I was so absorbed in my own world that I couldn't let him in.
Now, as a father myself, I see the same joy and exuberance in my own children's eyes when they tear into a new present. But as my kids celebrate the carnage that ensues during Christmas Morning, I feel a longing to play, just as much as they do. I actively participate in the building of Lego sets, toast to the holidays during tiny tot tea parties, and race toy cars along the table top. During all of this, I can't help but think, "Should I take a step back? Do I need to lessen my role in their role playing to encourage self-confidence and spur imagination?"
The holiday cliche says 'tis better to give than to receive. Can this be applied to our interactions with our kids on this most magical of mornings? The memories we receive by giving our time to our kids should be a two-fold reward - good for us, but great for them, as it hopefully sets a standard for parent-child engagement. When it comes to Christmas, I don't ever want to grow too old to play - hopefully you won't either.
Happy holidays to you and yours!
Question: What makes Christmas special for you?
Visit our "12 Dads of Christmas" page for more on connecting with your family and other dads like you! Join in and share your most memorable Christmas by recording a video, sharing a picture, or posting a comment on this blog, Facebook or Twitter @TheFatherFactor. Use the hashtag #12DadsofXmas to connect!