As week two of The Dad Games draws to a close and week three begins (tomorrow), we take a moment to look back over a busy week at how we competed in Week 2: Gold Medal Dads…Communicate With Mom challenge. We dads have shared stories and been challenged to communicate with our wives and the mothers of our children in a more intentional and impactful way. We hope you enjoyed this week and were challenged as you connected with your spouse/former spouse using our checklist. It’s been another busy week, but as we close week two, we look back over the highlights from our social platforms to see how other dads are being challenged with The Dad Games the same as you.
Let these dads encourage you to get involved with The Dad Games. There’s three weeks left! But more importantly, be inspired to spend intentional time with you kids and family. Below are highlights from week 2:
What Gold Medal Dads Are Saying on the Blog
“Wonderful reflections! Thank you! One of the programs our agency facilitates is "Cooperative Co-Parenting" for divorcing couples. If only these couples addressed the healthy of their relationship before it was too late! It's critical to keep those connections fresh and loving day by day!” –Jan from The Parenting Network
“My wife and I have been married for 6 years and together for 12 years this September. First and foremost, we are best friends. I can say that honestly. Second, we talk and respect each other. We know each other's buttons and we try not to touch them during disagreements. That is huge in my son's life and will continue to be a big influence on his future relationships. As hard as it might seem, your wife comes first. After God, of course.” –Maury from Gold Medal Dad
What Gold Medal Dads Are Saying on Facebook
“You know you are a daddy when you stop watching the opening Olympic ceremony to go read a Dr. Seuss book to your loving daughter when she is calling you to read to her… ‘The Nose Book’” Allan Mendez
“Alot of good ideas here…As far is my advice...it's the little things that count. My wife most appreciates signs of affection, gentle touches throughout the day, hand squeeze, hugs for no reason…It keeps us close. Plus it's good for the children to see their parents expressing that closeness.” Jay Viviano
“You have to make it clear to your kids that they are important, but your wife (husband) are first. We still have date nights. I count down the time the kids have left before they move out.” Charles McKay
What Gold Medal Dads Are Saying on Twitter
“Does shoe shopping count as time together? : ) We have been looking for hours.” #DadGames12 via Chris Delgado (@cdel58)
“Gold medal dad weekly activity 2. Had a date night last night going to see batman and dinner with my wife.” #DadGames12 via @TheDadpreneur
“Marriage retreat will score you 100+ man points.” #DadGames12 via Jason Bruce (@JasonBruce)
Go Team Dad!
Week 2 may be drawing to a close but you can join us for Week 3! Stay tuned for more information as we challenge you to be a Gold Medal Dad by Affirming Your Kids!
What did you find most difficult about this week’s challenge?
Don’t forget to sign up for our Dad Email to get the weekly checklist.
Visit The Dad Games of 2012 for tips on how you can connect with your family.
Remember to share and connect with other dads on the blog, Facebook and Twitter (#DadGames12).
This is a guest post by Dave Taylor. If you would like to guest post on this blog, email us here.
The “fantasy divorce” is that you and your partner come to a point in your lives when you realize you're just not happy, things just aren't going very well, and it would be in the best interest of your spouse and child(ren) to get a divorce and split into two separate households. In this “fantasy divorce” you'll still remain friends because you have this big life-long job of parenting that's not going to stop just because one of you leaves the house. As the years go by, you find there are things about the other person you remember you like and admire, and even when there are new partners added, you're all one big happy extended family and the kids grow up surrounded by peace, love and harmony…
…on the other hand, my experience has definitely not fit that “fantasy divorce” image…
By the time my wife and I decided to divorce, we'd been separated for almost a year. We then went through an incredibly difficult and contentious divorce where she had my business audited, we accused each other of being poor parents and various other things that demonstrate just how much we were both hurting -- things that were quite the opposite of the halcyon image suggested above. Mediators threw up their hands and quit on us, lawyers resigned after documents were signed, but we struggled through, trying to convince ourselves that it wasn't going too badly and since we both had the best interests of the children in mind, after all, somehow it would all end well.
Zoom forward three more years and I'm the statistically unlikely divorced dad who is highly involved with my children and we've settled on a schedule where our three kids are with me more than they are with their mom. There's still a lot of water flowing under the bridge, and there are still things we dislike about each other both as people and as parents, but we're trying to make it work.
So how the heck do we co-parent, and how do we keep the lines of communication open so we can have important discussions about our teen daughter, or our tween son's desire to be treated as if he's a high school senior, or our youngest (almost 9) and her fears around bedtime, not to mention the million day-to-day issues that crop up?
For us, it's worked out that we rarely if ever talk face-to-face, even at pick up/drop off, but instead use text messaging for immediate logistics -- "be there in five!" "do you know where their bike helmets are?" -- and email for more involved discussions, trying our very best to not judge each other, not criticize each other, and just stay focused on the topic at hand.
The myth of "walking away" from a relationship and moving to the next one, the lovely image of "turning a page" to a "new chapter" in your life, is great intention, but the reality is there are a lot of shared experiences with your former spouse, experiences that are expanded each and every time you have to communicate about your children and your co-parenting strategy, something that for us happens about every 2-3 days, and even more frequently during the school year.
With that much communication, I have no expectation that it'll be perfect and I'm not surprised when snark or petty criticism creeps in the messages I get from my ex. I expect I do the same. We're getting better, almost five years after we went our separate ways, but it's a long journey and I think it's important to recognize that our all-too-human foibles and weaknesses are just part of being an adult, a parent, and that if we have best intention and can endeavor to forgive the other person for being who they are - for better or worse - then we can proceed with the incredibly important job of co-parenting our beautiful children and making new lives for ourselves, without the ex being an invisible ball and chain around our ankles.
I don't have a perfect solution for communicating with your ex about your children; or how to create a healthy and mature arms-length partnership with them. There are reasons you got divorced, after all, and there's nothing more difficult than parenting, except perhaps parenting when the kids bounce between two households that are inevitably going to be different in rules, schedules and expectations.
Perhaps the real secret? Keep your attention on your children and keep a sense of humor about everything. Those wee ones are surprisingly resilient and odds are very good they'll grow up to be lovely adults so long as they grow up with an involved father.
What’s the best advice you ever received about communicating with your spouse/former spouse about parenting?
Visit Gold Medal Dads…Communicate with Mom for tips on how you can connect with your wife and/or the mother of your children. Remember to share and connect with other dads this week of The Dad Games on the blog, Facebook and Twitter (#DadGames12).
This is a guest post by Dave Taylor. Dave writes about life as a single father when he's not mired in the chaotic lives of his three children. Read Dave’s blog and follow him on Twitter. If you would like to guest post on this blog, email us here.
photo credit: Manu gomi
This is a guest post by Jordan Richmond. If you want to guest post on this blog, email us here.
- “A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.” –Woody Allen
On most mornings my wife gets up with the boys (we have 3 under age four) while I get ready for work. We have coffee together - well actually - in the same vicinity would be a better way to describe it. The boys are usually making a mess, crying, or fighting. We take turns refereeing. It’s chaotic, stressful, and a ton of fun. We’re like many families.
But on a particular morning not long ago, Heather and I had a little extra time to reconnect. I could tell something was bothering her, so I tried asking some probing questions. Her responses surprised me. There were no major marital issues, but she was empty and overwhelmed. I appeared distant. We love each other, but it’s not always felt.
Here are a few takeaways from that morning.
1) Don’t assume everything is alright.
Marriages cannot be lived in the neutral zone. You are either growing together or apart. If you’re not sure, and if you haven’t asked the hard questions in a while, I can confidently say you’re drifting apart. Address the issues now.
2) Give physical touch with no strings attached.
You know what I mean guys. Here’s the catch - even if you are just being sweet, she may not know it. If other areas of your marriage are suffering, your well-intentioned physical touch may be perceived as having a hidden motive. Don’t let resentment creep into your marriage.
3) Have regular date nights.
I’m a recovering failure in this department. Have a date - just because. Don’t make it an add-on to something else. Get a sitter, don’t talk about the kids, and court your wife again. No one will do it for you and it’s your fault if it doesn’t happen. Do it this week.
What advice would you give to dads trying to protect their marriage?
Visit Gold Medal Dads…Communicate with Mom for tips on how you can connect with your wife and/or the mother of your children. Remember to share and connect with other dads during week two of The Dad Games on this blog, Facebook and Twitter (#DadGames12).
This is a guest post by Jordan Richmond. Jordan is the worship pastor of Cayman Islands Baptist Church in beautiful Grand Cayman. Jordan is also a recording artist and family man. He and his wife Heather have been married 6 years and have 3 sons: Kal, Rees, and Zann. If you want to guest post on this blog, email us here. [Photo credit: Poppy Wright]
Week 1 is in the books and week 2 is here. We had a blast last Thursday as many dads joined our Twitter party with questions, answers, tips and advice. Join National Fatherhood Initiative (@TheFatherFactor) as we host a Twitter Party for week 2 with great prizes to get dads ready for Communicating with Mom this week!
Get full details about The Dad Games 2012.
Join us tonight at 9PM EST as we share advice and tips for this week's topic of how to connect with your wife and the mother of your children.
Last week's party was a great time to conenct with other dads and be motivated to work through the action steps of the checklist. Remember, we're becoming Gold Medal Dads to our help impact our kids, our wives/kids’ moms and our family.
This week’s topic is Gold Medal Dads…Communicate With Mom.
Make sure you have our checklist with seven ideas of how you can work at your relationship.
Get this week’s Gold Medal Dad checklist.
During tonight’s Twitter party, we’ll walk through some of the challenges for the week and share stories and ideas of how to win Gold by connecting with your spouse or the mother to your kids.
Bring your advice, tips and questions!
Be sure you’re following @TheFatherFactor and using the hashtag #DadGames12 for all your tweets.
Two prize winners will be selected from among Twitter party participants and notified at close of party. Be active at the party to increase your chances of winning!
What can you win? See the Dad Games prizes.
#DadGames12 Prize from Dove® Men+Care®:
Dove® Men+Care® celebrates men who are comfortable in their own skin and understand the importance of caring for themselves and others. One Twitter party participant will win an autographed sports item from a legend and the new collection of Dove® Men+Care® products to keep you literally comfortable in your own skin.
#DadGames12 Prize from Gillette:
Gillette has a series of limited edition Olympic-packaged products in suppport of their ongoing partnership with the Olympic Movement and their 25 Olympic athletes including Ryan Lochte and Tyson Gay. One Twitter party participant will win a gift package of Gillette’s Olympic-themed products - plus a fatherhood book from NFI.
Host: @TheFatherFactor
When: Thursday, July 26 at 9PM EST
Hashtag: #DadGames12
To get next weeks Dad Games checklist directly to your email inbox, sign up for our Dad Email. Go Dads!
With one week of The Dad Games of 2012 under our belts, we're ready for week 2!
In case you missed the first week, the Dad Games challenges you to be a Gold Medal Dad in five areas of fathering. Each week we're giving Dad's a checklist of seven actions to take in order to connect with the family.
To honor your efforts, we're giving away prizes from our corporate partners, including sports memorabilia signed by celebrity athletes and free gift packs of men's skin care products. Learn more about the prizes here.
You can enter to win by telling us about your experiences in The Dad Games on Facebook, Twitter, and commenting on our blog (Get more info on how to enter here!).
This week, The Dad Games challenges you to be a Gold Medal Dad by Communicating with Mom. We're challenging you with seven actions you can take to connect with your wife/kids' mom.
Whether you are married or not, it's important to invest in communicating with the mother of your children. When it comes to parenting, it's important your kids see you have a healthy relationship with their mom.
As we go through this week's challenge, we'll talk about marriage and divorce. We have a guest blog planned from a happily married Dad who will discuss relationship struggles with his wife and adjusting to children. We also have a guest blog planned from a single dad. He will give tips and advice on how to handle parenting when couples are separated by divorce.
For some, this may be your week to change how you relate to your ex-wife. As you read through the steps as a married person or not, us Dads will have to be creative in how to apply each of these steps. It will be work.
Use our Facebook and Twitter platforms to connect with other Dads and talk through the action steps. This is a week to get better. For some, this may be a week to start over from scratch in how you have been dealing with your child's mom. Either way, get creative and be intentional in how you connect with your wife and/or the mother of your children.
We'll help with ideas later in the week for each action step, so stay tuned. This will be a tough but rewarding week for married and divorced dads alike.
Are you ready for this week's challenge?
Visit our Communicating with Mom page for more information and to get this week's checklist.
We had a blast sharing stories and being challenged to spend time with our kids this week. We hope you connected with your children throughout our challenge.
Through our blog, Facebook page and Twitter stream, we not only connected with our children, we connected with other dads.
Dads, we can be intentional and spend quality and quantity time with our children. We can make an impact on our kids' lives.
It’s been a busy week. Check out hightlights of what dads who are competing in The Dad Games are saying! Below is a snapshot of the first week. Remember, you can join at any time!
What Dads Are Saying on the Blog
Spent the day with my daughter today. Went to lunch, spent time reading at the local bookstore and pre-shopping at the mall for back to school. --Sean Nixon
Camping is a great way to spend time with your children. There are a variety of cool aspects to camping, allowing you to explore with you kids and do things together. You can really connect with your child during this time of relaxation and enjoyment. I know from first hand experience. I've been camping with my own kids for several consecutive years now. It's a blast! --Dan Rayner
I recently purchased kayaks for myself, my wife and my nine-year-old daughter. For quality time with my daughter, I took her to the nearby lake and we spent the afternoon kayaking and talking. She loved the exercise and I loved the small talk with my little girl. --Chuck Wooddy
Love the idea of the 2012 Dad Games! Had a ball yesterday riding the go-kart, bike riding, reading, etc. Summer has been great overall, but it's nice to have the "challenge" placed in front of me as well as other Dad's. --Tim Myers
Dad Games 2012. Great idea to inspire us guys to be better fathers. My little girl is 1. I read a couple of books to her today. The most important time to me is when we both can take a nap together during the day. Lets do work DADS!! --Robert Witcher
My son and I have colored, played Batman, fixed the kitchen tile in my grandfather's house, read a few books, and the week ain't over yet. :) Thanks for the fishing tips. My son is afraid of pretty much every animal so fishing is a no-go for a while anyway. –Maury Wood
What Dads Are Saying on Facebook
I am a single dad. My daughter is 12 years old for the last 4 years she has been doing fundraising to help kids go to church camp. This past sat. 7/14 she did a car wash we washed cars for 4hrs in june she did a garage sale and bake sale this is how we spend a lot of our time and the hard work of helping others it is fun to help my daughter do what makes her fill good. --Doug Tripp
I've taken four of my children to work with me on my side job this week so I can spend some time with them and so they can see what a hard days work is. --Billy D Vickers
Me, my son, and my daughter a ping pong table on Friday. Saturday we went to the circus in the morning and then went straight to Splashtown waterpark right after. We had such a wonderful time! --Matt Taylor
My daughter Savannah and I spent all weekend at a Girls Scout camp for Girl Scouts and their family members. We rode horses, hiked, did crafts, archery, low ropes, and just enjoyed each other's company. It was one of the best times ever!!!!! --Mike Parish
Yes, from bringing them to work to having "special lunches" while @ work to fun dinners, late night dips in the pool . Movies ordering pizza late at night to all falling asleep together on the same couch.. Loved every second of it! --Will Hamilton
Not this week but last week was great, went home on a pass before I deploy to spend 4 days with my little girl. I took her and my niece swimming 2 days, ate together everyday, took some naps and held her close, seen the new Ice Age movie and spent every moment I was there with her. I can't wait to get back to her! --Lee Whited
What Dads Are Saying on Twitter
Told wife my main goal is to make her happy. She said 1 of the best things I've ever said. Show kids u love mom. #DadGames12 @maurydwood2
I took my daughter to a movie and then bowling.....but we play xbox daily #DadGames12 @chefydaddy
Saturday mornings we go get bagels and give Mom the morning off! #DadGames12 @bfalvey
I was missing too much so left high-paying job so could work part-time & spend more time raising my kids #dadgames12 @GeekDad248
Making up dance moves to songs like Call Me Maybe in our chairs once dinner is done. #DadGames12 @cdel58
Meal time is our listening and giggling time. 3.5yr old tells antics of day. Sometimes tattles on herself #Dadgames12 @jon_wilke
My son and I read a National Geographic Kids magazine last night and a dinosaur alphabet book #DadGames12 @candyland0606
Singing The Duck Song with my kids. Grand time quacking together before bed time #DadGames12 @JasonBruce
Getting spanked by my kids in UNO. #DadGames12 @ctramosono
Great job, Dads! Keep up the good work!
Week 1 may be over, but you can still join us for Week 2! Stay tuned for more information as we challenge you to be a Gold Medal Dad by Communicating with Mom!
Don’t forget to sign up for our Dad Email to get this week’s checklist. Then share how you’re competing with other dads during the week.
I cheapened fishing for my daughters. New Dads, learn from my mistake. Don't use artificial bait on your first fishing trip with your kids. I don't know what I was thinking. In my attempt to curb drama and avoid the Sanders Beauties seeing a nightcrawler and jumping headfirst into the lake, my girls’ interest in fishing may be forever scarred.
From now on, when I take the girls fishing, they will get the full fishing experience. They will use real worms. This way, even if no fish are caught, they will still remember something interesting about the experience.
This was the first fishing trip with my two young daughters. We picked our spot on the dock and started readying ourselves to fish. Then came the ducks. Except to call these ducks “ducks” isn’t descriptive enough. Let’s call them “starving ducks.” So the starving ducks, no sooner than we sat down with our fishing gear, headed our way from the center of the lake.
Not only were these ducks starving. They were large. When I say “large” I mean the size of my second-born. These large, starving ducks decided we weren’t feeding them at the correct pace and jumped on the dock to eat our breadcrumbs faster, or eat my youngest daughter. Either way, after all the duck commotion, my five-year-old had readied herself to make her first cast.
To be sure Bella knew how to cast, I did a practice cast to show her how a professional does it. On that cast, something broke inside the fishing pole and the hook landed on the side of the dock. Five minutes in and we have starving, large ducks on the attack and a broken fishing pole…nice.
After spending a good 10 minutes (reminder: 10 minutes is 100 minutes in toddler time) dissembling and dissecting the Shakespeare Barbie Fishing Pole, we have working fishing poles and the ducks are starting to scatter. I didn’t get video, but Bella’s first cast was video worthy. Her cast was absolutely breath-taking; just like she had practiced in our house (yeah, that’s a separate blog post).
No sooner than the floater-thingy landed on the water, the starving, large ducks decided to try and eat my second-born. Now, no ducks were harmed on this fishing trip, but I may have cast in their direction a few times, to keep them safe. My youngest called it “hitting the ducks on the head” but I promise the number of duck heads hit on my watch was zero.
Maybe 10 minutes goes by, we get zero bites. The ducks were starving but the fish weren't. The duck-drama has mellowed out and boredom begins to seep in.
Dads of older kids, perhaps you’ve forgotten, but a five-year-old and a two-year-old at a lake with fishing poles doesn’t mathematically work unless something interesting is happening. If nothing interesting -- like catching fish -- is happening, the kids get bored really quickly and start thinking of things to toss in the body of water appearing in front of them.
In an effort to keep the intensity and interest up about actually fishing in the lake instead of wanting to swim or toss objects in the lake, we decide to locate a second port of call on the lake. We find this great wooden dock. It’s perfect. Gabby learns to cast like her sister. Well, sort of; she caught the wooden dock and nearly submerged her fishing pole. She's the only one who can say she caught something on this trip.
The story doens't end there. On the return walk home, I’m carrying fishing poles and my wife wants to exchange fishing poles so I can carry our youngest. In our exchange, my wife gets pierced in the hand with both hooks from the fishing poles. Thus making our perfect fishing trip even better.
Once home and settled, the conversation with my five-year-old went like this:
Me: “Bella, did you have fun fishing?!”
Bella: “It wasn’t so great. It was boring.”
Me: “Did you like anything about fishing?!”
Bella: “No.”
That was the entire conversation. Maybe the evening would have been better spent watching Ice Age for the fifty-eleventh time. Bella was “bored” and we didn’t catch anything but bug bites, a wooden deck and mommy’s hand. But as the wise man Trace Adkins sings about spending time fishing with his young daughter, “...she thinks we're just fishing.”
I’m glad my wife and I managed to keep a five- and two-year-old dry and alive on our first fishing trip. Aside from Bella having a “not so great” time (as evidenced by the smiling picture above) and my lovely wife suffering minor injuries. We spent time connecting and creating a memory that will last for years. I agree with Mr. Adkins on fishing, “I better do this every chance I get...'cause time is ticking.”
But next time I'll remember -- take the nightcrawlers, leave the fake bait.
What did you do this week to connect with your kids?
This fishing trip was part of week one’s challenge to Gold Medal Dads to "Spend Time With Their Kids" from The Dad Games 2012.
In four of the most recent high-profile mass shootings (the D.C. Sniper, Chardon High School, the Tucson shooting, and the Norway terrorist), we wrote about how the killers had damaged or nonexistent relationships with their fathers and how that factor contributed significantly to their horrific actions.
As details of the Aurora shooting emerge, it appears as though the killer had a relatively “normal” upbringing. We will continue to monitor the situation as more details emerge, as we know there is a father factor in crime. For example, children whose fathers were incarcerated are 7 times more likely to become incarcerated themselves.
However, there is another fatherhood story that has emerged from the tragic events in Aurora. In this article, Hanna Rosin writes about how, by and large, men protected women when the gunfire began, often getting shot themselves to save their girlfriends, children, and/or wives.
But one line in particular stood out: “Several women were at the midnight showing with infants and toddlers, presumably because there was no one else at home to watch them.”
I don’t know if I have much more commentary on this statement other than to say how sad it is.
Recent data published on the New York Times website shows the troubling explosion of the out-of-wedlock birthrate in our country, across all races and education levels. Note in particular how rates among white women have nearly doubled, more than doubled, or even tripled, in all categories. We know from research that these children will inevitably live in father-absent homes, because even in cases where mom and dad are living with each other at the time of the birth, 1 in 3 of those cohabiting relationships end by the time the child is only two years old. By comparison, only 1 in 17 marriages end by the time the child is 2 years old. In other words, marriage is more than 5 times more stable than cohabitation.
There is so much commentary out there about how marriage is an “obsolete” institution, and “healthy relationships” matter, not marriage. But this commentary rarely analyzes things from the perspective of what children need. And social science research isn’t sophisticated enough to measure something like, “what percentage of infants and toddlers with unmarried parents will attend midnight showings of PG-13 movies compared to their peers with married parents.” Those “intangibles” are hard to measure, but they matter greatly. And they matter to children.
I am not saying that all single parents take their children to the movie theater late at night. But I am saying that in this case, had these children had someone “else at home to watch them,” they would not have been in that theater. That’s how it works in my marriage. When I want to do something late at night, my wife stays home with our toddler. When she wants to do the same, I stay home. Very little “coordination” is needed because, a) she lives in the same house as me, and b) via our wedding vows, we have already committed to doing things like this for each other.
This is not about criticizing single parents and idolizing married parents as individuals. It is about being honest about how institutions, not individuals, affect children. The Aurora shootings have provided another example of how the institution of marriage confers benefits upon children that should never be undervalued.
One of the reasons NFI gives out the Fatherhood Award™ to worthy individuals and corporations is because we believe that “lighting a candle” is often more effective than “cursing the darkness.” However, from time to time, we feel it is necessary to curse some darkness, as we did about a Huggies advertising campaign in March.
Now is another time. On June 15, just in time for Father’s Day, the Facebook page for PBS Parents posted this picture of dads in the baby food aisle, presumably on the phone with their wives, with the caption, “Ha!”
Sure, the photo is kind of funny. But, as we have pointed out numerous times before, would it fly if they posted a picture of clueless-looking women at an auto parts store? First, they would never post such a picture. Second, if they did, they would take it down the moment a negative comment came in.
After all, shouldn’t we be getting past stereotypes? PBS Parents apparently thinks so, as they posted this article called “7 Ways to Fight Stereotypes.”
Except, of course, when it comes to dads. Again, as we have often repeated here at NFI, despite the fact that there is a child-damaging trend of crisis-level father absence in America, our culture continues to think it is ok to make fun of dads, and thus, in our view, discourage them from getting involved.
Despite numerous complaints in the comments next to this photo, PBS Parents did not take down the photo, and basically shrugged off the complaints saying that they meant no offense and that it was meant as a “tribute” to dads.
I don’t believe them. They found the photo on a “humor” website that shares vulgar, even profane, photos, and captioned it with “Ha!” In other words, “laugh at these dads with us!”
I don’t know enough about PBS Parents to say whether or not the rest of what they do reflects this immature attitude towards fathers. A quick glance at their website suggests that they are mom-centered but offer resources for dads, too.
So, why the dad bashing? First and foremost, they are not afraid. They have no fear that they will lose money or business as a result of posting such content. When moms or women are offended in the public eye, they make a big deal out of it and force change. Men and dads don’t do this, and no one does it for them.
However, this could be changing. I mentioned Huggies earlier. After they received criticism from the community of dads (and moms, too), they pulled the offensive ads and have since been in dialogue with NFI and daddy bloggers in a genuine effort to include dads in a positive way in their branding and messaging.
We indicated then that Huggies’ actions may have marked a turning point in brands actually responding to criticism from fathers. So far, PBS Parents has bucked the trend.
And it may be to their detriment. Research is starting to show that fathers are an important market force. If PBS Parents and their ilk do not change with the times, the last “Ha!” could be on them.
Spending time with your kids can be difficult. I’m talking the real, intentional time. I don’t mean the time like when you’re in the same room with your kids but you’re on your phone streaming twitter while your daughter plays in the background because you have a job in social media and must retweet that quote from that guy who said that thing about fathering…wait…I flashed-back to last night at my house. Sorry.
Enter The Dad Games of 2012 – the challenge to all of us dads to work toward being the "Gold Medal Dads" our kids need. This week's challenge is to actually spend time and undivided attention with our kids…well, please snap a pic and tag NFI on Facebook/Twitter for The Dad Games program, but after that…actually spend time and undivided attention with your children.
Yes, we're giving dads chances to win autographed sports memorabilia & summer gift sets from Dove® Men+Care® by telling us about your experience participating in The Dad Games with your children. But the important thing is that you’re spending time with your kids.
We know your time is divided among many things, but investing in your children with your time is invaluable for connecting and influencing your children.
If you didn’t print this week’s Dad Games checklist do it now, we'll wait....okay, you're back. Now, Here’s the point behind our seven ideas for this week:
1) Gather the Family for a Meal
Enjoying a family meal together is one of the best ways to connect as a family. It’s an opportunity to discuss the highs and lows of the day and talk in detail about what you’re children are learning each day. Check out our tips to help you make family mealtime easy and meaningful!
2) Read to Your Child
If you have young children, read to them. Use deep voices for some character and high voices for others. Be animated. Your kids need to hear their dad’s voice.
Reading allows for bonding with your children like nothing else.
Think about how close you have to be to read to someone. You wouldn’t sit and read to a stranger on a bus. That would be weird. Reading is a great way to connect with your kids, if only for a few minutes. Be warned, you won’t be able to read only one book. Your kids will beg for more!
Dads of older kids: read the same books your children are interested in. This will take extra effort, but at least take time to discuss the latest book they’re reading. Ask good questions about the books and characters like, "Which character in the book is your favorite? Why?" The point is to connect with your child on a deeper level than asking “how was your day?” Then they answer, “Good.” And then the talk ends.
NFI’s tips on making reading fun will work well if you feel like you don’t know how to get started with this activity.
3) Interact in Play With Your Child
Do something with your child that he/she enjoys. Let them pick the thing. Whether it’s getting on the floor and playing with dolls or trucks, get on your child’s level and play.
For older children: do something they like, such as playing video games or walking around the mall – be invested and interested in your child intentionally for this activity.
4) Dad-Kid Dates
Whether you have a son or daughter, take time to go out for ice cream, eat together or take a walk. The point is to spend individual time with your child. If you have more than one child, work toward children getting their own individual time with you. (If you can pull this activity off with multiple children, please write us in the comments and give your advice on making this happen!)
5) Get Active
Engage your children in physical activity. It will bond you together and help build healthy habits. From riding a bike, basketball, or walking in a nearby park, you can be intentional about getting out from the normal routine and get active this week.
6) Get Creative
This may be as simple as coloring together if you have young children or involving your child in fixing something around the house. Consider cooking together for this activity. From the trip to the store to preparation, use the time to connect with your child and talk about life while you do something that you have to do anyway – eat!
7) Family Game Night
Did you have family game night growing up? Whether your family played board games or not when you were a kid, the idea here is to have fun and get the family together and playing. We have suggestions for games to suit all ages and ideas to make game time fun for kids.
At NFI, we know that children whose fathers are stable and involved are better off on almost every cognitive, social and emotional level when measured by social science researchers. Keep up the good work, dads! Stay strong through the weekend! Go for gold!
Don’t forget to connect with us by commenting on this post, tagging us on Facebook and mentioning us on Twitter. Tell us what you're doing on this checklist and enter to win a prize!
photo credit: kevin dooley
In the spirit of the 2012 London Olympic Games, join National Fatherhood Initiative (@TheFatherFactor) as we host a Twitter Party with awesome prizes to get dads geared up for The Dad Games of 2012!
Get full details about The Dad Games 2012.
Join us tonight at 9PM EST and each Thursday night through 8/16. We’ll share advice and tips for each week’s Dad Games topic. We’ll motivate Team Dad to stay strong in the Dad Games as we strive to be Gold Medal Dads to our kids, our kids’ moms and our family.
This week’s topic is Gold Medal Dads…Spend Time With Their Kids.
Make sure you have our checklist with seven ideas of how you can spend time with your kids.
Get this week’s Gold Medal Dad checklist.
During tonight’s Twitter party, we’ll share stories and ideas of how to win Gold by spending time with our kids.
Bring your ideas and your questions!
Be sure you’re following @TheFatherFactor and using the hashtag #DadGames12 for all your tweets.
Prize winner will be chosen from among Twitter party participants and notified at close of party.
What can you win? See the Dad Games prizes.
#DadGames12 Prize from Dove® Men+Care®:
Dove® Men+Care® celebrates men who are comfortable in their own skin and understand the importance of caring for themselves and others. One Twitter party participant will win an autographed item from a sports legend and the new collection of Dove® Men+Care® products to keep you literally comfortable in your own skin.
#DadGames12 Prize from Gillette:
Gillette has a series of limited edition Olympic-packaged products in suppport of their ongoing partnership with the Olympic Movement and their 25 Olympic athletes including Ryan Lochte and Tyson Gay. One Twitter party participant will win a gift package of Gillette’s Olympic-themed products - plus a fatherhood book from NFI.
Host: @TheFatherFactor
When: Thursday, July 19th at 9PM EST
Hashtag: #DadGames12
To get next weeks Dad Games checklist directly to your email inbox, sign up for our Dad Email.
As the nation gears up to cheer for Team USA in the 2012 London Olympics, we're gearing up to cheer for Team Dad in The Dad Games of 2012!
For five weeks we're challenging you to be a Gold Medal Dad by giving you specific actions to build your connection with your children, the mom of your children and your family.
It's important to invest in your relationship with your kids no matter what, but we're excited to make it extra fun this month with great prizes and giveaways - including autographed memorabilia from celebrity athletes and free skin care products for men!
How can you win?!
Every Wednesday for five weeks, the Dad Email™ will focus on a particular topic of what makes a Gold Medal Dad.
We'll provide a checklist of specific actions you can take during the week to build your connection with your children in five areas of Gold Medal fathering:
- Gold Medal Dads...Spend Time with Their Kids
- Gold Medal Dads...Communicate with Mom
- Gold Medal Dads...Affirm Their Kids
- Gold Medal Dads...Balance Work and Family
- Gold Medal Dads...Always Try to Improve
Then, to win one of the awesome Dad Games prizes...
- Connect with us during each week on the Blog, Facebook, and Twitter. Each comment, tag or mention (for that week) will make you eligible for a prize!
Sign up for the Dad Email™ to stay up-to-date with The Dad Games of 2012!
Invite other dads to join in The Dad Games by signing up to create some friendly competition with your dad friends.
Check The Father Factor Blog
I will talk about my participation in The Dad Games along with you. Make sure you're subscribed to the blog and comment with your stories and tips each week to be entered to win!
Follow Us on Twitter
Use #DadGames12 and join us for Twitter parties every Thursday at 9pm EST as TEAM DAD tweets about the weekly topic. One prize will be given at every Twitter party!
Tag Us on Facebook
Post on our timeline, share a picture of you doing something with your child from the Dad Games Checklist, or comment on our Dad Games posts to be entered to win a prize.
Are you ready for The Dad Games of 2012?
Join TEAM DAD and Be a Gold Medal Dad Today!
Visit our home for The Dad Games 2012 for more information.
The following is a post from Christopher A. Brown, Executive Vice President of NFI.
I learned today that Dr. Stephen R. Covey died today from injuries sustained from a biking accident. He was 80 years old. You might recognize Dr. Covey as the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the best-selling business book of all time. But to me Stephen was one of my mentors. It was his work—the application of the 7 Habits, specifically—that directed me toward the work I do today.
Before I arrived at National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), I served as a health communications and social marketing consultant with the Texas State Department of Health Services. During my time there I took a 7 Habits workshop. A light bulb went on inside my head during the workshop that illuminated how and where I should direct my career. I decided right then and there that I would focus my career on helping fathers connect with their children. I just didn’t know how at the time.
Fortunately, I learned how to instill the 7 Habits into my professional and personal life and, most important to this story, to Begin with the End in Mind (the 2nd Habit), my end being full-time work helping organizations build capacity to serve fathers and families.
Not soon thereafter a friend learned about NFI’s need to hire a director to run a statewide fatherhood initiative in Texas. He passed the information on to me and within a few weeks NFI hired me. The rest, as they say, is history.
But the story doesn’t end there.
In 2003 we honored Dr. Covey with a Fatherhood Award™ based on how his work and personal life represented everything that is good and valuable about involved, responsible and committed fathers.
I chaperoned him for 3 hours at the awards dinner and had the opportunity to tell him how much his work meant to me. He was flattered by my thanks, but what he really wanted to know was how our two organizations—NFI and FranklinCovey—could partner to help fathers. (That interest was not a surprise given the 6th Habit—Synergize.)
When he returned to Utah where his company is based, he immediately instructed his staff to work with NFI to develop a joint effort. The result was NFI’s The 7 Habits of the 24/7 Dad™ curriculum and workshop, the first and still only co-branded curriculum of the FranklinCovey company.
I had the honor of co-authoring the curriculum with Dr. John M.R. Covey, Stephen’s brother.
Thus Dr. Covey’s legacy reaches into the work of NFI and the lives of the thousands of fathers, children, and families that we and our direct-service partners help every year.
It is with sadness at his passing and joy about his contribution to our work that I honor Dr. Stephen R. Covey’s life.
photo credit: agirregabiria
Today we go back, way back, to the year 2006!
Check out this video showing that to be a great father, sometimes you have to dance!
As the video says, "It takes a man to be a dad!"
In the comment section, tell us: What's something fun you did with your child recently?
Check out our weekly Dad Email for tips on creative ways to be a better dad.
Did you know that 25% of Americans access the Internet through their smartphones instead of a computer? That means millions of dads are not accessing National Fatherhood Initiative's web-based resources.
We want to deliver our expert fathering advice directly into dads’ hands through a brand new text messaging campaign, but it will cost $2,750 to create and maintain the new platform.
As a reader of this blog, you know how important it is that children have involved, responsible, and committed fathers. You also know that our resources are making a difference across the nation by helping men learn how to connect with their kids heart-to-heart.
We're looking for 110 people to donate just $25 each by August 12 to help us raise funds needed to create this new tool to reach more dads who currently don’t have access to our information. Not only that, but if you are part of that 25% of who prefers to use your phone instead of the computer, your donation will go towards a resource that you can use too!
Will you be one of the 110? Donate $25 (or more!) today.
Summer is happening. If you’re like me, you can’t believe it’s almost the middle of July.
With a few weeks before the kids go back to school, it’s time to be intentional about making the most of the remaining time.
NFI has you covered.
We've created handy dandy checklists for your home, your car and your family relationships; assuring you and your family is prepared to get things done and enjoy the summer.
Below are just a few of the ideas you will find on our Checklist for a Stress-Free Summer:
1. Checklist For Your Home
-Are your doors and windows properly sealed?
-Is your air conditioning running properly?
-Does your A/C unit need a new filter?
2. Checklist For Your Car
-Does your car have enough fluids, especially oil and coolant?
-How old is your battery?
-Make sure you have the following items in the car:
- Plenty of water
- An emergency kit with flares, flashlight, jumper cables, and basic tools
- A first aid kit with bandages, Benadryl, antibiotics, and sunscreen (This is a must when traveling with kids.)
3. Checklist For Your Relationships
-Have flextime? Use your extra hours to take a daytrip with your family or a long weekend.
-When’s the last day you spent time with your kids doing something special for them?
-Keep it simple:
- Enjoy a sunset or catch fireflies
- Get wet at the community pool, or just with the backyard hose
- Go for a walk as a family or grab and ice cream cone
With a little planning, summer can be fun and worry-free. The point is to be prepared and spend time with your family creating memories that all involved will remember for years to come.
We have more ideas on how to plan your best summer. Just visit our Checklist for a Stress-Free Summer for more information.
What's one thing you're doing to make summer fun?
photo credit: Daniel*1977
I’ll never forget the beeps. It’s been five years since first hearing the beeps from inside the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) where my first daughter stayed two weeks due to pre-term labor.
She weighed four pounds, and I was scared to hold her with the wires coming from all directions. But the NICU nurses assured my wife and I that we would do no harm by holding and talking to her. She needed to hear the same two voices she heard throughout pregnancy. She needed to feel our presence in that cold, steel medical room.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 24 million children in America — one out of three — live in homes without fathers. Kids need their fathers.
Kids Need Their fathers…For Health
The same “NICU baby” from above recently proclaimed from the back of the car, “I want coffee, like Daddy!” as I ordered my favorite coffee from the Starbucks drive-thru. As I ordered a short cup of water to mimic my coffee, I realized something big — that for good or ill, the choices I make affect my children. As dad goes, so go the children. With Father’s Day in our rearview mirrors, we must be vigilant about impacting our children positively with the choices we make as dads.
Studies show that men who take care of their health with a good diet, regular exercise, and preventive screenings serve as role models for their kids’ health habits and are more likely to be around for all those important moments like graduations, birthdays and weddings. But more than being around, fathers model behavior for their kids, for good or ill.
Kids Need Their Fathers…For Growth
New research reveals that the love of a father is one of the single greatest influences on the personality development of a child. Results from the journal of Personality and Social Psychology Review showed that kids rejected in childhood felt more anxious and insecure as well as hostile and aggressive as adults.
Professor Rohner who conducted the research says, “children who feel unloved tend to become anxious and insecure, and this can make them needy. Anger and resentment can lead to them closing themselves off emotionally in an attempt to protect themselves from further hurt.”
The same is true for all children regardless of race, culture, and gender – the feeling and effects of rejection are universal.
Professor Rohner adds that the “same parts of the brain are activated when people feel rejected as when they suffer physical pain.” He continues, but ‘Unlike physical pain, however, people can psychologically relive the emotional pain of rejection over and over for years.’ His research shows a father’s input is particularly important for behavior and influences whether a child later abuses drugs or suffers mental health problems.
Kids Need Their Fathers…For Life
The National Center for Health Statistics reports that infant mortality rates are almost twice as much for infants of unmarried mothers than for married mothers.
Children whose fathers are stable and involved are better off on almost every cognitive, social and emotional measure developed by researchers.
How we start is usually a good indicator of how we finish. Of course we can make course corrections along the way. But giving kids a chance to start life in a healthy way matters. Involved fathers help infant mortality rates decrease and infant health increase. Being present and involved ensures children will grow and develop into mature, well-adjusted adults.
Dads matter–for good or ill. As dads go, so go the children. And as go children, so goes our society.
That is why National Fatherhood Initiative provides skill-building resources to help fathers increase their health literacy and get involved right from the start. Our Doctor Dad series of workshops help fathers learn about the well child, the sick child, the injured child, and the safe child. And our new Dad’s Pocket Guide contains practical tips on how dads can get involved with their newborns.
Parents, what was your most difficult adjustment after having a baby?
This post was originally written by Ryan Sanders for the National Healthy Start Association (NHSA). NHSA's mission is to be our nation's voice in providing leadership and advocacy for health equity services and interventions that improve birth outcomes and family wellbeing.
Photo credit: Sanders Family Archives
Swimming, barbeque and a day off work…sounds like freedom to me. But, in the excitement of activities, it's easy to forget the history and purpose of Independence Day. I’ll get to some ideas for celebrating, but first, some history so you can sound smart at the family get-together.
John Adams believed July 2nd was the correct date to celebrate the birth of American independence. He would decline invitations to July 4th events in protest (see History). Adams had an argument, because on July 2nd, the Continental Congress voted in favor of resolution for independence.
Realizing that once you read “Continental Congress” and “resolution” in the last paragraph that I lost most of you, I have a more history for you history buffs. It was July 2nd that John Adams wrote to his wife Abigail and explained that the day, "will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival" and the celebration should have "Pomp and Parade...Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other." Can you say “freedom?”
Two days later on July 4th, the Congress adopted the Declaration of Independence. Even though the vote for actual independence was on July 2nd, the 4th became the day celebrated as the birth of American independence. If you’re like me, barbeque is barbeque; I’ll eat it on the 2nd and the 4th to commemorate this special event.
The Fourth of July was originally celebrated with concerts, parades, firing of cannons and speeches. By late 19th century, people started celebrating with outdoor activities, family time, fireworks and barbeques. Considering I kept your attention with all this historical trivia, here are a few ways you can celebrate this holiday with your family:
Independence Day Ideas for Your Family:
1) Teach Your Kids: For older kids, The History Channel has an entire week dedicated to the “Founding Fathers” for learning about the history and celebration of Independence Day.
Consider reading the Declaration of Independence with your teenager. They may complain, but it’s short and only one of the greatest documents ever written. For younger kids, have them draw and color the American flag or sing along to “The Star-Spangled Banner." Perhaps your kids like face paint as much as mine, paint the flag on their cheeks or for girls, paint their nails in red, white and blue (can you tell I have daughters?!).
2) Get Patriotic with Food: Let your kids help you make Independence Day themed food like American Flag Cake and Patriotic Pops.
3) Get Involved with Your Community: It’s a great time to get to know your neighbors. Attend a festival or parade and grill out with friends.
4) Remember the Troops: Write a letter or send a care package to a deployed service member to let them know you appreciate their service.
How are you celebrating Independence Day?
photo credit: *Micky
Before children, I was a morning person. I used to conquer mornings. Back in college, I woke up with unrushed reading time. Remember unrushed reading time?! Once kids happen, unrushed mornings end.
Are you like me? I don’t plan any me-time at home before leaving work in hopes of getting a 45-second-jump on my neighbor. If I can cut my neighbor off at the toll road, I’m sure to get past the Capital Beltway before the traffic congestion really starts.
But my life is about to change. I found Laura Vanderkam’s article in Fast Company. I am now motivated more than ever to be a morning person because it seems mornings are when successful people get things done.
Actually, mornings for parents may be the only time to get anything done. Be careful about reading this article by Vanderkam. After you read, you can’t complain you don’t have enough “me time.” The short answer is -- wake up earlier! If you’re game for waking up earlier, keep reading this post for motivation and how to amp up your morning routine.
Parents, follow these steps from Vanderkam and you’ll get more done in the morning, before the kids wake up:
Step 1. Track Your Morning
Laura points out that you’re more likely to spend your time better when you know how you’re spending it. Write down what you’re doing as often as you can. Use Laura’s spreadsheet (yes, she has a time management spreadsheet!) or write things down.
Try this for a week. See how you're spending your time. So, you’re too tired and can’t wake up earlier, but you're only tired because you stayed up that extra few minutes watching The Colbert Report. Laura’s genius idea? DVR The Colbert Report and watch it at 5:30am while running on the treadmill. Whoa, I never thought about that. Mind, blown. Next step…
Step 2. Picture Your Perfect Morning
Once you see how you’re spending your mornings, take time to dream about your perfect morning. Would it start with a run? Actually eating real food for breakfast? Think about exactly how you would like to spend your morning and then move to step 3.
Step 3. Map Out Your Dream Morning
Actually write down what you want your new morning to look like and how you’re going to make it happen. Heck, write down the exact time while you’re at it. What time are you going to wake up? Yes, Laura goes here: write down the time you should go to bed. You know how much sleep you need. Ouch, okay, you’re almost to the morning of your dreams. Continue to step 4.
Step 4. Make the Dream Happen
If you want your dream morning, you’ll need discipline. Laura has some great ideas on how to make this happen:
- Take baby steps: Start with getting in bed just a few minutes earlier. And don’t try to create EVERYTHING in your dream morning at one time. Work on one thing at a time. Actually waking up earlier is probably the best place to start.
- Reward yourself. You have your goals and you’ve created baby steps. Be sure to celebrate small victories. This will keep you motivated.
Step 5. Remember, Your Dream Morning is a Process
Okay, so you have kids. Life will happen in your house. Remember this whole deal is a process. Processes CAN change and be revamped. The best part about this is the idea that you can feel like your mornings are yours, not just death marches to your job! I know no one reading this has ever felt like his or her mornings are death marches. But you know what I’m saying.
You may never know how much you can get done or your full potential until you have time to stop and think for yourself. Remember to come back and tell us how things are going, what you’re working on, and what’s not working. Just remember, if you hate or love this idea and want to read more, the idea was Laura’s.
Dads, whether you want to conquer your mornings or not, try our series of 7 Habits of a 24/7 Dad for great ideas on becoming a better dad.
Now, what are you going to do with your perfect morning?
photo credit: Wade Brooks