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The Father Factor: The Official Blog of National Fatherhood Initiative

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Shaping the Kind of Fathers Children Need

  
  
  

rolandwarrencloseup resized 600The White House recently honored a select group of people who are doing tremendous work in the field of fatherhood. NFI President Roland C. Warren was recognized for his work as a Champion of Change in this field. Written by Warren, this post originally appeared on The White House blog.

My own life and the “life” of the organization I lead have taken similar paths. Let’s start with me. When I was about 7 years old, my parents split up. For a long time, I was frustrated and confused about my feelings for my dad, who became distant and ultimately disconnected from my daily life. I am nearly 50 years old now, and I still carry a wound - a hole in my soul in the shape of my dad. But, there were lots of wounded souls out there who were yearning for their father’s love and attention.                  

I finally realized that my personal crisis of growing up without my dad was actually a national crisis. And I was deeply inspired to do something about it. Then, National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) came into my life.

From the moment I heard about the organization in the late 1990s, I knew I wanted to be involved, and by 2001, I was serving as the new president. I felt incredibly blessed that I had been given the opportunity to take my desire to change the world, born of my own personal struggle, and turn it into real action.

I had moved from inspiration to action.

For its first 7 years of existence, NFI played a critical role in putting fatherhood on the national radar screen through research, national public service announcements, media appearances, and advocacy. When I came on board, I wanted that work to continue, but I also wanted to ensure that when a father came to realize that he needed to be a better dad, that he would have somewhere to turn. I wanted to ensure that when an organization – a prison, a hospital, a military base, a church, a Head Start, a YMCA – came to the realization that it had to serve the fathers in its community, that it would have somewhere to turn, too.

Since then, NFI has distributed over 6.1 million fatherhood skill-building materials to fathers and organizations around the country. We have trained nearly 12,000 fatherhood facilitators from over 5,500 organizations on how to deliver high-quality fatherhood programming into their communities. We have worked with all five branches of the military, with prisons in every state, and with community-based organizations, such as Head Starts, YMCAs, Salvation Army, and Catholic Charities. We also have supported countless smaller community-serving organizations, helping them create and execute plans to educate and equip the fathers in their neighborhoods.

On the fatherhood issue, National Fatherhood Initiative has moved the nation from inspiration to implementation.

We have helped turn the growing awareness of the importance of involved, responsible, and committed fatherhood into growing action to give men the skills they need to be the kinds of fathers their children need them to be.

All these years later, I still have moments when I am that lonely boy waiting for my dad. But that pain is now happiness when I think about all the fathers who we have helped connect or reconnect with their children. This important work is changing lives, but more needs to be done. We don’t have a fatherless child to spare.

Roland  C. Warren serves as the President of the National Fatherhood Initiative. This content originally appeared on The White House blog.

Watch The White House Champions of Change event here:

Comments

I am so glad to see that this epidemic is not being ignored because "no wants to talk about it". My relationship with my father was always initiated by me. I was always going to him. I was always calling him. And i spent many painful hours waiting for him to show up for our visitation. He is a passionate man, but almost fanatical. I grew up watching this man with a short fuse, and a violent temper. Sometime in my high school years, I decided that I was no longer going to follow him. When my oldest son was born, I vowed to be not like the man I knew growing up, but to be more like my step father. I have 3 children now and one more on the way. I have done so much to be there for my children and to be a posative role model. The family court and dss have been my biggest obsticle. They are determined to maximize the support I pay their mothers and minimize the time I have with them. My youngest son lives in North Carolina, about one and a half hours away. I try to be civil with his mother, I try to be pro active with dss and the court. But the harder I try to work with them, the more they try to take from me. We did a mediation and signed off on a parental agreement, basic visitation, custody established with his mom, standard rights. I believed the agreement to be filed away and binding. On Oct 16, 2010 I was remarried. When we came back from our honeymoon, the overnight visitation stopped. One excuse after another, she denied me over and over again. I tried to call the mediator, but his number changed and i was unable to call him. After about `16 months, I finally contacted him. He said that the agreement was never filed. I went to the clerk of courts for the county and found out that after the agreement was signed, his mom came back and dismissed the agreement. I also found out that in doing so, i have no right to visitation, or any rights as a father to my son. I couldnt understand why no one contacted me to tell me the agreement was dismissed. I asked for new mediation but because it was so long ago, the court wont give me another mediation. So I begged and pleaded with his mom to please let me see my son. She finally agreed about 3 months ago, to overnight visitation. I have been working as a kitchen manager for about ten years of a 21 year time working in a kitchen. My salary was 40,000 a year, and all three child support payments were based on this income. I developed a degenerated disk in my back, causing horrible pain when standing on my feet for six hours or more. My employer demoted me from management and gave me an hourly position, to prevent the 12 hour days, 5 days a week. My income decreased by about 60%. When my employer demoted me, they also terminated my deductions for child support, health insurance, even federal tax deduction. I called the dss immediately to find out what to do. They said just send the money in before the end of the month. So on the 28th, I called them and informed them that the money order was going in the mail that day, and they said it would not be a problem. They received the payment on the 2nd, so instead of applying the money to march, they applied it to april and put march payment into arrears. When that happened, they sent a letter of intent to increase witholding to 40%, still at my old salary pay. I contested the intent and filed for a court date to stop the increase. They were trying to take $533 out of my check that was only $550. My previous support order for my two older children is $250 bi weekly in South Carolina. The judge dismissed the intent to increase. I then went to clerk of court to file a motion to review income so they would have accurate information on my income. I then went to dss and explained the situation. They added a $530 amount that i have no idea what for, and said i have til the end of the month to pay the normal payment of $193 plus the $530. I have left my previous job and started a new job but with about a ten day lapse where i was not working. I will not get a paycheck until about the 5th of the next month. So all that money they are asking for will go back into arrear, and i will have to go back to court to contest. When his mom finds out that I am asking for a reduction, she is going to stop my visitation again. I dont understand how the dss is doing this, and the courts are backing them. It is only going to separate me from my son. I have already missed 16 months of his life, and i am afraid he is going to grow up thinking that i didnt try to see him or fight for him. I dont want him to go thru what i did as a child wandering when my dad was gonna show up. It is his mother, dss and family court that is keeping up apart. I cant afford a lawyer because all my money goes to child support. I have tried so hard to be involved in his life, but i know what is about to happen, and i am helpless
Posted @ Friday, June 29, 2012 2:44 AM by Charles Clay Hierholzer
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