Posted by
Kerry Cole on Fri, Feb 22, 2013 @ 07:58 AM
This is a blog post by NFI Senior Director, Program Support Services, Michael Yudt. If you would like to guest blog for us please email us.
At NFI we recieve many questions asking how organizations can better reach and help the fathers going through our fatherhood programs they run. The following are three popular - but tough - questions that are important to wrestle with as individuals and organizations seek to provide greater support to fathers and their respective families.
How do we reach dads that are not interested in being involved in their children's lives?
This is a question that we receive often. It’s important to acknowledge on the front end that despite our best efforts, some dads will be very challenging to reach. While many dads have a strong interest in their children, some fathers are apathetic towards their role. The key in reaching these fathers is to not write them off, but to always make them feel welcome and to try to understand why they feel that way. Also, discern whether someone else is in a better position to speak to them about the importance of their role. Do not feel like you have to carry the burden alone. And remember, it’s important not to divert too much time and energy away from the dads that are ready and willing to increase and improve their involvement with their children. In an effort to connect with the hard to reach dads, we don’t want to lose sight of the ones that are showing an interest in their children.
For more suggestions on Recruiting and Retaining Fathers, contact NFI’s Program Support Team.
How can I help a father who is having significant issues with the mother of his children?
This too is a great question. There are several principles to keep in mind here. First, it’s important to start small. The common principle in paying off credit card debt is to pay off the smallest debt first and then work towards the larger debts. The same principle applies to relationships. Remember to first focus on the issues that you have the best chance of resolving. Once you see success in those areas, mutual respect and confidence in the relationship will grow. Then it becomes more likely that you’ll see success with the more significant and complex issues. But, remember to coach the dads to focus on what they have contributed to the conflict, rather than on what “she” needs to do differently. By taking greater ownership of the situation, dads will be putting themselves in the best possible position to reconcile with the mother of their children.
For more information on working with dads and moms on resolving conflicts, please download our Talking with Mom and Mom as Gateway workshops.
What advice can I give a non-residential father who is trying to communicate with his children, but is not hearing anything back?
This is indeed a tough scenario. First, it’s important for dads to separate their effort
s from the results. Certainly, the goal of communication is for it to be a two way street. But in some cases, letters and phone calls (and other means of communication) will go unanswered. The reasons why are as complex as the relationships themselves. But here’s what dads need to remember: the more sincere and consistent communication you have with your children, the more likely you will eventually see results. This may take days, months, and even years. It will be critical for dads to have a resolve to stay consistent in their communication efforts, even if they never hear back. That will give dads the peace knowing that they did what they could to move beyond the past and heal their relationship. NFI has heard many stories of reconciliation taking place after countless years of separation and silence. You too can see that result! Remember, two keys to reconciliation are owning what you did wrong and forgiving the other person for their mistakes.
For creative ways of communicating with your children, download NFI's Free resource Igniting Father-Child Relationships!
For questions about NFI's products or programming, please email programsupport@fatherhood.org.
This blog post is from Vince DiCaro, NFI Vice President of Development and Communcations.
At NFI, one of the most common questions we get is “So, what do you guys do?” This question often follows a long explanation of what we do. That was a joke…
But the question is a fair one, because we are not a “direct service” organization that can simply show you our office’s “underwater fathering” workshop. Instead, we enable direct service organizations to work with fathers. Therefore, it is always a bit harder for the public to visualize how we are strengthening fatherhood across the country.
But thanks to a new book, our job just got a lot easier. It is called Choosing Fatherhood: America’s Second Chance, a photography collection (and much more) from renowned photographer Lewis Kostiner.
In 2007, Kostiner began traveling around the country with NFI staff members to document the stories of real dads who had been through NFI’s programs at community-based organizations around the United States. We would choose a city, find out which community-based organizations in that city were using NFI resources, and then go meet with the dads at their homes, places of work, and with the service providers to capture the images and words that would do justice to their fatherhood journeys.
When all was said and done, Kostiner had photographed more than 150 fathers from all walks of life in 17 states and 39 cities who had at least one thing in common – they were all working hard to be the best dads they could be.
The visually stunning book tells their stories, and, as a result, NFI’s story. These are dads who were going through NFI’s 24/7 Dad® curriculum at their local social services agency. They are formerly incarcerated fathers learning how to be great dads through NFI’s InsideOut Dad® program. They are “regular guys” benefiting from community resources that NFI helped create.
Several prominent figures contributed to the book to round out these compelling stories. The forward is by journalist Juan Williams, who urges our nation and its leaders to take seriously the need to strengthen fatherhood for the sake of our children. The book also includes an essay by NFI board member Roland Warren, who provides practical steps that dads can take to help themselves and others be the kinds of dads our children deserve. David Travis, Shipra S. Parikh, and Derrick M. Bryan also lend their voices to the book.
Choosing Fatherhood: America’s Second Chance should have come with a box of tissues, as it is hard to keep your eyes dry as you see these dads and hear their voices and their children’s voices. What those voices are telling us -- or, more accurately, screaming to us from the mountaintops -- is that every child needs a great dad.
But it is one thing for us to tell you that. It is another to look into the eyes of a child and really see that. That is the gift that Choosing Fatherhood gives you.
Choosing Fatherhood: America’s Second Chance will make a great addition to your coffee table or, if you work in a community-based setting, your waiting room. It can be purchased here.
For questions about NFI's products or programming, please email programsupport@fatherhood.org.